Thought Catalog

20 Bartenders Reveal What Your Drink Says About You

  • 0

18. I don’t know what to order

Amaretto sour = any woman who never knew what to order, so a bartender made it for her once and now she orders it all the time because it’s the only drink she knows how to order. Crown Royal Manhattan, rocks on the side = guy who knows what he’s talking about when he’s ordering a drink, and probably a slight cheapskate because he’s going to suck on the ice in the rocks glass when he’s finished the drink.

19. This tastes like it doesn’t even have alcohol in it!

“What do you have here that’s cheap?” – (In my head: “You!”) IRL – Let me tell you tonight’s Drink Specials. Occasionally this person is on a budget and wants to have a good time and not break the bank. But the majority of the time, they can spend the money, they are just cheap bastards. It is usually an indication that I won’t be getting a tip either.
“No Ice! In a Tall Glass!” – The majority of the time this tells me that you are ignorant and you think you are going to get more alcohol because less room is taken up by ice and there is more “beverage in the glass.” This is completely wrong, the only thing you have succeeded in doing is ordering yourself a weak drink that is also warm. I cannot put any more booze in, only mixer and now you don’t have enough ice to keep it at a proper temperature. Have fun with you tall coke with a shot of whiskey. I aim to please even if your order is complete horse shit.
“This tastes like there is no alcohol in it!” – Most of the time I pour a little more than a standard pour (unless I know you aren’t going to tip me) so I know the drink is not weak by bar standards. Perhaps it is weak by home bar standards, we all know pops drinks his vodka with a splash of coke in the giant cup. This usually tells me that you are cheap and you think you will get more for nothing simply because you complain. I will usually apologize and make them a new drink. I don’t pour more into the drink, I apologize profusely assure them that I will make sure they get the standard pour they deserve, I bust out the jigger and give them a true standard pour, giving them a drink weaker than the one I had given them before. They know they just got a weaker drink, they know I poured them a good one the first time, and they never complain that there isn’t any alcohol, they just watched me pour the standard amount in right?
“What’s a Well Drink? or What’s in a Well?” – Hello Newbie, allow me to introduce you to the wonderful world of drinking. “Well” basically means the crap bottom shelf liquor whose name you have never heard of because it’s so putrid, often you mix it with an appropriate mixer so you can choke down the stuff. Good luck with the headache in the morning, you could have spent a dollar more and felt much better.
“. . . and make it strong this time.” Oh I remember you, you didn’t tip me last time either, yep here’s a weak pour so I can give the person who actually tips me a strong drink without offsetting liquor costs. Honestly, people who ask for strong drinks do not get them, great tippers and regular get strong drinks. Often times I will pour them short and then add the last bit of “extra” last minute making it a normal pour but hooking them up in their minds. Quick tip, if you do said “extra” pour right into the straw, their first sip will be strong and they will be happy.
“I want something strong that tastes good.” – While it is not impossible, most of the time a truly strong drink is only for those who want the alcohol and enjoy the taste of it. When someone says this to me, it says that they enjoy the mixers but want to get drunk. It really doesn’t matter just as long as it is sugary and has booze in it. Women are nortourious for this, I used to try my heart out giving them that fine balance of strong and tasty, but in the end, they don’t like the taste of booze, so fruity cocktails FTW!
“What kind of drinks do you have?” – Looks back at the full bar set up, looks back at customer, looks at full bar, looks back. “Bud Light.” I know this is an honest question, but on a busy night I’m sorry but I don’t have time to go through our specialties. I will let the customer know that we have a full bar and a great selections of beer, hand them the menu and tell them to let me know when they are ready. When you come to the bar on a busy night, please know what you want.
“What do you recommend?” – This is tricky, everyone’s tastes are different. I always ask the follow-up question: “Well what do you normally like?” I then use their response as a guide to recommend a drink for them. People who ask this are either looking to explore and try new things or are just stumped as of what to drink.

 

20.LOL

From reading this thread I’ve discovered anyone who orders anything is a dick.

Hmmmm, well I’m a Cosmo type of gay. Wonder what that says…

CLICK TO THE NEXT PAGE…

Cataloged in

More from Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog Videos


    • http://roamingurban.wordpress.com/2014/03/27/what-your-drink-says-about-you/ What Your Drink Says About You | Roaming Urban

      […] I stumbled upon a post on a blog called Thought Catalog titled, “20 Bartenders Reveal What Your Drink Says About You.” It is alarmingly accurate and hilarious. Here are a few excerpts I found particularly funny. Read the full post here. […]

    • http://mochaliciousmess.wordpress.com mochaliciousmess

      Reblogged this on mochaliciousmess's Blog and commented:
      I do wonder what the bartenders think of me when I order a shot of Patron XO or Baileys.

    • http://jessicaquynh.wordpress.com jessicaquynh

      Reblogged this on Jessica Jabbers and commented:
      Just something to think about when going for drinks.

    • mwauramichelle

      Reblogged this on Words To Say.

    • http://cosmicrosa.wordpress.com cosmicrosa

      Reblogged this on Cosmic Rosa and commented:
      Hilarious!

    • http://kisspeoria.com/all-crimes-start-with-bud-light/ 98.5 KISS FM

      […] Find out what your drink choice says about you HERE: […]

    • http://www.trippapparel.com/2014/24776 20 Bartenders Reveal What Your Drink Says About You | Tripp Apparel

      […] By Madison Moore | Via ThoughtCatalog […]

    • http://rosaphotographyblog.wordpress.com/2014/03/31/httpthoughtcatalog-commadison-moore20140320-bartenders-reveal-what-your-drink-says-about-you/ 20 Bartenders Reveal What Your Drink Says About You | Stuff to Read
    • http://sportsmockery.com/bartender-jay-cutler-manners-orders-fruity-shots-doesnt-tip-26141/ Bartender: Jay Cutler Has No Manners. "Orders Fruity Shots and Doesn't Tip"

      […] Mockery –  Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler has been referenced in a random article from a bartender that says he was a prick at his establishment. The quote from his article […]

    • http://keitochansays.com/2014/04/15/tokyo-tea-cocktail-drink-recipe/ Tokyo Tea Cocktail Drink Recipe « Keitochan Says:

      […] 20 Bartenders Reveal What Your Drink Says About You (thoughtcatalog.com) […]

    • http://mychannel957.com/the-bartender-is-judging-you/ The Bartender IS Judging You

      […] (Thought Catalog) […]

    • http://mix941fm.cbslocal.com/2014/06/12/heres-what-bartenders-think-of-you-based-on-your-drink/ Here’s What Bartenders Think Of You Based On Your Drink « Mix 94.1 Las Vegas

      […] (Source: Thought Catalog) […]

    • http://womc.cbslocal.com/2014/06/17/what-your-drink-says-about-you/ What Your Drink Says About You « 104.3 WOMC

      […] Thought Catalog has a list of drinks and what bartenders think about a person drinking the specific brew. talked about how they profile people based on what they order. So here’s what your drink says about you, straight from the mouths of the professionals. […]

    • http://nextrestaurants.com/mobile-marketing/cocktail-culture-mobile-marketing-for-restaurants/ Cocktail Culture and Mobile Marketing for Restaurants - NextRestaurants

      […] and chefs relish in the challenge of exploring new flavors together in a new way. That is the same approach that should be utilized when you look to combine a current marketing […]

    • https://thoughtcatalog.com/kathryn-morrill/2014/07/the-15-worst-things-you-could-say-to-your-bartender/ The 15 Worst Things You Could Say To Your Bartender | Thought Catalog

      […] Read this: 20 Bartenders Reveal What Your Drink Says About You Read this: I’m One Of Those Moms That’s Breastfeeding Her Kid Through Puberty […]

    • http://alistmarketing.wordpress.com alistmarketing

      Reblogged this on TimTheBarGuy and commented:
      Some laughs and many opinions on “what your drink says about you.” I agree and disagree with a mixed bag of these. Thoughts?

    • https://thoughtcatalog.com/ella-ceron/2014/08/15-things-you-should-stop-saying-to-girls-with-tattoos/ 15 Things You Should Stop Saying To Girls With Tattoos | Thought Catalog

      […] Moreno Read this: I Ruined A Relationship This Morning With One Email, And This Is The Conversation Read this: 20 Bartenders Reveal What Your Drink Says About You Read this: 18 Struggles Of Having An Outgoing Personality But Actually Being Shy And Introverted […]

    • https://thoughtcatalog.com/taylor-george/2014/07/to-my-ex-best-friend-on-her-wedding-day/ To My Ex-Best Friend On Her Wedding Day | Thought Catalog

      […] Read this: 20 Bartenders Reveal What Your Drink Says About You Read this: 24 Signs You’re Already Hopelessly In Love With Her Read this: I Ruined A Relationship This Morning With One Email, And This Is The Conversation Read this: 18 Girls Describe The Worst Sex They Ever Had (NSFW) Read this: This Incredible Test Shows How Your Makeup Changes People’s Perception Of You Cataloged in […]

    • https://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-fagan/2014/08/21-uncommon-romantic-gestures-that-would-make-any-girl-melt/ 21 Uncommon Romantic Gestures That Would Make Any Girl Melt | Thought Catalog

      […] this: I Waited Until My Wedding Night To Lose My Virginity And I Wish I Hadn’t Read this: 20 Bartenders Reveal What Your Drink Says About You Read this: I Inherited My Brother’s Laptop After His Suicide, What I Found On It Made Me Glad He […]

    • Karsing

      Reblogged this on searching for the right. and commented:
      muahahaha

    • http://myexclips.chaturbate.com/?track=exclips free girl cams

      free girl cams

      20 Bartenders Reveal What Your Drink Says About You | Thought Catalog

    • http://www.sportshoopla.com/forums/sports-forum-general-discussion/156870-keepin-clean-completely-random-63.html#post5467110 Keepin' It Clean and Completely Random - Page 63 - SportsHoopla.com Sports Forums

      […] used to tend bar and found this to be hilarious and pretty accurate. 20 Bartenders Reveal What Your Drink Says About You | Thought Catalog 0 __________________ Not the Victory but the Action; Not the Goal but the Game; […]

    • https://thoughtcatalog.com/ella-ceron/2014/09/17-things-you-should-know-before-you-date-an-athletic-girl/ 17 Things You Should Know Before You Date An Athletic Girl | Thought Catalog

      […] this: 10 Struggles Every Female Sports Fan Knows Read this: 20 Bartenders Reveal What Your Drink Says About You Read this: I Inherited My Brother’s Laptop After His Suicide, What I Found On It Made Me Glad He […]

    • https://thoughtcatalog.com/terran-tout/2014/10/6-facebook-statuses-that-need-to-stop-right-now/ 6 Facebook Statuses That Need To Stop Right Now | Thought Catalog

      […] From Tinder, This Is What I Woke Up To Read this: 16 Things Unemotional Women Will Understand Read this: 20 Bartenders Reveal What Your Drink Says About You Read this: 10 Graphs That Sum Up The Mid 20-Something Experience Read this: 20 Things You Should […]

    • https://thoughtcatalog.com/kelsey-hau/2014/10/why-i-hope-my-ex-was-a-once-in-a-lifetime-kind-of-love/ Why I Hope My Ex Was A Once-In-A-Lifetime Kind Of Love | Thought Catalog

      […] Read this: 20 Bartenders Reveal What Your Drink Says About You Read this: What Guys Really Think Of Your High-Waisted Shorts Read this: I Inherited My Brother’s Laptop After His Suicide, What I Found On It Made Me Glad He Did It Read this: 20 Things You Should Know About Dating An Independent Girl Read this: 21 Terrible 90s Songs That Everyone Secretly Loves Read this: 26 Things You Didn’t Know About Breasts Read this: 32 Signs You’re Dating A Keeper Read this: 22 Extremely Satisfying Things That Can Only Happen After Age 22 featured image – Jason Devaun Cataloged in […]

    blog comments powered by Disqus