1. Always tell people you’re broke/don’t have any money but still find a way to shop on ASOS BECAUSE IT IS SO CHEAP.
2. Suffer from insomnia one night then go on ASOS because, why not?
3. Truly believe you’re only going on ASOS to take a look at what’s going on. A “Save for later” bin of several hundred dollars later, realize you have a problem, a problem of not how much money you spent, but a more serious thing of how to edit all the cute things out of your cart so you can at least eat this week, Jesus.
4. Feel weak and find yourself purchasing things just to purchase them because, I mean, the shipping is free both ways so what do you have to lose, really?
5. Knowing that there’s nothing more exciting than the NEW IN category.
6. Get excited/overwhelmed by the prospect of scrolling through 4,000 thousand items in the NEW IN category. SO. MANY. NEW. ITEMS.
7. Accepting the fact that going on ASOS is at least a 30-minute process.
8. Have favorite models and buy whatever they’re wearing because u want to be just like them.
9. Realize suddenly that all that time you spent looking at jackets and hats and cute jewelry was time you could have spent on tomorrow’s homework but, w/e, at least you will look amaze when you turn it in!
10. Be low on cashola so put a lot of things in your “save for later” bin so you can save it for when you maybe have some cash later on.
11. Deal with the anxiety of knowing that even when you put an item in the “save for later” bin your size or the whole thing might sell out before you get back to it. Check constantly every day to be sure it’s still in your size and make like you’re about to order it. Feel depressed when it’s sold out.
12. Freak out completely when you find something seriously awesome in the 70 PERCENT OFF SALE !! On ASOS that means it’s like $3.
13. Consider buying multiples of one item “just to be safe.”
14. Feel excited when you come home from work/school and a nice grey package marked ASOS is waiting at your door step.
15. Try on everything immediately, then ask your roommates what they think about these pants/ do they make your butt look funny / can you pull this look off?
16. Be dishonest with people when they ask you where you got your cute looks from. Say you got it at “some store” or “in New York” just so that they don’t add any competition to your shopping experience.
17. Go on ASOS sometimes not to shop but to look for outfit ideas. Attempt to style yourself the way their models are styled with stuff you already have in your closet.
18. If you are gay or bi, purchase items solely based off of how attracted you are to the model wearing the item you are considering.
19. Be sad when something looks better on the mannequin than it does on you BUT YOU WORK THE SHIT OUT OF IT ANYWAY.
20. When it’s all said and done, take amazing pictures of yourself or the things you bought from ASOS. Upload them to Instagram, hashtag OOTD (outfit of the day!)