A Person Who Lives In Their Smartphone
It’s hard to remember what life was like pre-smartphones and all over Internet. I mean it was basically the Stone Age. You know what, we are all busy and have emails to respond to and Facebook statuses to update, and it’s not too much to ask people to be in the room with you instead of Instagraming and Tweeting about the date they’re on. Can you give me like 12 seconds of face-to-face time? If they can’t be in the room with you just imagine what they’re like in bed.
A Person Who Doesn’t Get You
Relationships blossom and fizzle out for all kinds of reasons. When we enter a relationship we are one person and as we continue through it, hopefully we are not quite the same. Hopefully we’ve grown, matured, and hopefully our interests and personalities have changed for better, not worse. You should date someone who loves all of you, unless as part of your evolution you become ratchet and things.
Anybody Who Is Like, “Oh Hey, Can We Video Tape This Sexual Encounter?”
Uh, no. I mean yes, it sounds like a good idea, doesn’t it! Do not do it. I mean sure, do it if you are comfy with the fact that once you break up or stop sleeping together or what have you that that video is suddenly going to have a lot of value for you, and it could end up anywhere. Consider yourself blackmailed/turned into a Vine.
A Person Who Lies About Their Stats Online
It’s perfectly fine to bend the light in a selfie such that it makes you look particularly fabulous in the pic you uploaded. But if your pic is, say, less than 2 to 3 months old, I wouldn’t trust it! We embellish our weight and we shave some years off our age, but if the person you meet is basically not the person you were chatting to online, shut it down.
A Person Who “Doesn’t Watch TV”
There’s a difference between not watching TV because you don’t have time and not watching TV because of this silly belief that watching TV is for dumb people who don’t have ideas of their own / don’t know how to read a book. TV is amazing, and now that everything is on Netflix or streaming online there’s no reason not to watch TV.
An Elitist Person Who Scoffs At Your Taste
We like what we like. Maybe we can cross-polinnate each other’s taste fields,but if not, can you please leave the passive aggressive commentary in the peanut gallery? It’s perfectly alright to like the things you like even if the person you’re dating totally hates those exact things. But when they scoff at you because of what you like, well now it’s time to kick them to the curb.
A Person Who Says They Don’t “Do” Drama
Because it usually means the exact opposite. It means they don’t “do” drama because they bring the drama with them wherever they go. SO yeah, avoid that.
A Person Who Gets Jealous Way Too Easily
Sometimes a little jealousy is good because it means that the person cares about you and doesn’t want to risk losing you to some other dumb ass. But there’s a thin line between jealousy and control freak-dom, meaning a person is doing the most — constantly asking you where you are, making you feel guilty about being away from them, checking your phone to make sure you’re not creeping, etc., etc. A little healthy jealousy is fine, but when you are starting to feel boxed in, well then it’s time to let go.
A Person Who Is Newly Single
People’s ex’s are always off-limits, as are people freshly out of relationships. Even if they hate their ex to death, they did at one point love them dearly. And someone who is just out of a relationship is in no position to start dating until they have completely gotten over their partner, which could take weeks or months if not longer.
A Serial Monogamist
No, no, no! You have to be ok being with yourself before you can be ok being with somebody else. Serial monogamy is never a good thing — it means that this person doesn’t feel comfortable unless they are in a relationship, which means that they can’t be alone. There’s nothing wrong with monogamy, but a person who has jumped from relationship to relationship doesn’t know how to be with themselves and might be hiding deeper issues. Abort!