We are hardwired to find love. Finding our partner seems like half of life’s purpose these days, doesn’t it? In high school and college, romance is the top of our minds. And even after college, our search for a partner becomes more pressing.

Do you ever realize that you spend a whole lot of your life searching for someone you don’t even know? We fantasize over the dates, the wedding, the kids we’ll have, and it’s all in our minds about “someone.” But have we ever fantasized over the person we are when we are by ourselves and how much growth that is there?

As a hopeless romantic, love is something so beautiful and special, and I want to have it one day. But I’ve stopped making it some destination or a rule for myself.

Why, you may ask?

After being in two relationships, I realized that a lot of what I wanted in life was skewed to who they were, what they wanted, and how they lived. Relationships do that to you. They make you subconsciously make compromises.

Now that I’m single, I’ve finally come home to myself. I am starting to know who I am, where I want to live, and what I want to do. And all of those things, may I say, are a lot different than what I thought when I was dating someone.

I realized that in this life, I must honor my whole vision, and find someone who comes along for that. I won’t have to search for this person. I won’t have to force it. I won’t even have to think or fantasize about “the one” because they will be fluid in my life. They will come naturally. And that’s all because I am finally honoring me and spending my life living rather than waiting.

The person you become before you meet “the one” is the person actually living. It is not the person who is waiting. It is the person who realizes that it is actually okay to be a whole person by themselves.

And this is when you meet “the one.”