“Oh! You speak Spanish? That’s cute. I also speak Spanish, Italian and French. (Insert smirk). You taught Spanish in high school? I actually started my own company when I was an infant, teaching 3 languages. I funded it myself!”
We get it. You have a burning desire make yourself feel superior because you feel violently inferior. You cannot handle the success of others. You are insecure. There’s a big gaping difference in sharing stories with a friend because you’ve had similar experiences, but to undermine someone’s success or statement with your own is not only embarrassing, it’s extremely annoying and fictitious.
2. Take Offense
A wise teacher once said, “It is a fool who takes offense when it is intended, but it is an even greater fool who takes offense when it is not intended.”
Self interest is a common theme in the world today, it may even be the basis for everything we do and say, so keep that in mind when you realize that people aren’t intentionally trying to offend you; they’re busy thinking about themselves.
Insecure people will hear a statement, apply it to themselves, and if it happens to be something they’re insecure about, they’ll take heavy offense. It’s not cute to be the person everyone tiptoes around because they’re afraid of saying something you might get upset about.
3. Offend Others
Putting people down is the equivalent of an illuminated LED sign reading “VIOLENTLY INSECURE” floating behind you in a helium filled thought bubble. To put others down in an attempt to gain attention, validation, or happiness shows how jealous you are of what they have. Even if you’re not jealous of what they have, you show that you’re unhappy with what you have when you intentionally offend them. How you treat others is a direct extension of how you feel about yourself, and when you try to make someone else feel bad or embarrassed of who they are, it’s deplorable. A happy, secure person wants to share their light.
“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” – Buddha
4. Put Themselves Down
When you don’t feel secure with yourself, you want words of affirmation to validate you. People are going to form their own opinions about you, and they are usually very different than the opinions you have about yourself. Nobody thinks you have a big nose until you tell him or her that you have a big nose on a regular basis. They might console you and tell you that you don’t have a big nose, but they’re really wondering why you’re spending so much time thinking about your nose when there are things going on that really matter. What really matters is being confident in yourself, your actions, your feelings, and your nose.
5. Really, Really, Really Want Everyone To Like Them
It’s one thing to be aware of how people feel about you. It is a WHOLE different can of worms when you are so concerned people won’t or don’t like you that you morph into a validation monster. A validation monster agrees with everyone, changes the decibel and tone of their voice, and contracts their face muscles into a cringe worthy crazy eyed “Jack Nicholson-from-The-Shining” facial expression in social situations.
It’s weird. People can tell when you think they don’t like you, and it makes them wonder what your intentions really are. Do you sincerely want to get to know them and be friends on some normal level? Or do you want their validation as a check on a list that somehow makes you a better person. By being insecure, insincere and hungry for people to accept you, you might miss the opportunity to actually make a friend. A friend will accept you when your face muscles aren’t contracted and your voice isn’t high pitched. They’ll criticize you to your face, and glorify you behind your back. It’s important to be secure enough for friendships like that, because those are the ones that last.
6. Talk about their problems in situations where they SHOULD NOT be talking about their problems
“You want to go get McDonalds? Yeah my dog died and I’m still grieving over my Grandmother’s death 6 years ago, and I can’t pay my bills, and my parents are both in prison and nobody likes me but it’s okay I can totally drive us to McDonalds because I was just broken up with.”
Rough times get the best of us, but don’t let them get the best of you when you’re at a social gathering and the morale is high. If you need emotional support, the football field of social situations is not the place to ask for it. When an insecure person asks for sympathy and attention, it places a heavy cloak of distress, obligation and concern over everyone involved. Everyone lost their appetite for McDonalds when the insecure person started openly talking about his eating disorders and family issues AT A PARTY.