Thank You For Playing Pretend

Perfection is obscure. Find beauty in flaws. Accept imperfection.

We were flawed. I believe that you and I, we, us, were a work in progress. It started as a rose bud. A delicate and sensitive rose bud. And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom—it was a breath of fresh air.

I suddenly was not carrying this empty feeling in my chest anymore. I was happy. I accompanied every “I love you” with meaning and a passionate, wild look in my eyes.

I put my faith in you. I lost myself in you.

I watched you break me. From a distance, I watched you break me.

You wanted me to need you. And I persuaded myself that I did.

The truth is blunt. The truth is venomous. The truth is liberating.

You wanted someone to care about you. You needed someone to care about you. You are a coward. You are pretend. You are composed of layers.

The truth you share is disorientated. Not lies. Miscommunications.

To tell someone you love them, to convince someone you love them, is a game.

Love is not a game.

Love is intangible. It cannot be described. It cannot be explained.

It is effortless.

It is real.

I do not see you for who you are, because I do not know who you are. To call you an ex-lover is deceitful.

I call you a stranger. I know your name, but I know nothing about the real you.

I want you to know I do not hate you. And I want you to know I will never hate you. This might not hold any meaning to you. Yet it is the truth.

I do, however, want you to know that a piece of me will always resent you. You have taken something from me that I will never get back—a first love.

One cannot control their feelings. And I fell in love with you. I would never take back my love or regret the time we spent together.

But our memories hold no significance in my heart anymore. These memories were real for me in ways that they were not for you. Therefore, they have faded in my brain. They have lost meaning to me.

I do not talk about you in negative ways. Deep down, you are a good person. But you are lost. You do not know who you are and you attempted to find a layer with me. Maybe your intentions were not malicious. Maybe they were. I genuinely do not know. I will never know.

But, I do know one thing.

I will never lose myself in a person like you ever again.

I will never let someone manipulate me like you did ever again.

I believe that this experience has made me stronger.

So thank you for playing pretend with me. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author
Basic college girl by day. Aspiring author by night. Follow Mackenzie on Instagram or read more articles from Mackenzie on Thought Catalog.

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