It’s hard to say no. It’s hard to ignore the texts. The calls. The FaceTimes. It’s hard to let go of something you once cherished more than anything in the world.

No. Let’s stop with the bullshit.

Hard is an understatement. It’s fucking heartbreaking. But the truth of the matter is that the person who broke you will never fix you. You are naive to think things will ever be different.

They will not heal you. They will not change. They will never change.

One sip of the potion and you are poisoned. Resist temptation. Close your eyes. The liquid is strongest in moments of weakness. Times of loneliness. Nights you spend with a bottle in your hand.

If you run back, you are weak. But I will not judge you.

I have run back time after time again. Months later, even. Yes, I said months. I walked inside my house and set down my running shoes. I was out of breathe, panting, searching for fresh air. Searching for answers.

To catch my breath, I sat down. I did not have the energy to lift my body from the chair. I felt like a skeleton with an empty soul. A heartless vessel.

And in that moment, I finally realized that my relationship was lie. My love was a lie. I was broken.

The shattered pieces of my heart surrounded me.

At times, I am lonely. I lie in bed at night cloaked in a cloud of sadness. I reach my arm across and the bed and feel nothing. I wake up in the middle of the night screaming your name. I miss the utter sense of security of sleeping next to a living and breathing human.

I replay the last time I saw you: you kissed me goodbye and said, “I love you.” You said it like you meant it.

But I have learned that the pain of loneliness outweighs the pain of a broken heart—a broken soul.

If you run back to comfort, you suppress happiness. If you shed a blind eye to unforgivable actions, and you will never forgive yourself. If you stay in a relationship because you are afraid of the unknown, it defines you.

Someone who hurt you once will hurt you again. It’s the cycle of pain. Though there are temporary pauses, the butterflies in your stomach fade and the magic disappears. Round and round it spirals. It spirals out of control.

You are strong. Do not be deceived. You deserve a love carefully composed of electric sparks and two beating, healthy hearts. You deserve someone who puts you first.

Don’t run back to the person who broke you.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. 

xoxo, a girl who stopped running