Let’s face it, if you are a gay man in your twenties, chances are you are not looking for anything real. What you are looking for can best be described as anything but real- a journey to the center of the fantastic and idealistic world of fun times and casual encounters. In a word- EXPERIENCE.
If you are, in fact a gay man in your twenties, chances are you are looking for quantity over quality, polyamory over monogamy, another notch on your bed post, another interesting story to tell your frenemies over cocktails and high times. Basically you are looking for anything but a real and lasting future with someone halfway decent. And maybe you shouldn’t be looking for Mr. Right at this stage in your life. After all, you are in your twenties. Right? You have your entire life ahead of you. Or so you think.
I realized the perils of dating 20-somethings when I recently decided to date a 23-year-old fuckboy who turned out to be the essence of primordial ooze. I knew all the challenges and risks that came along with dating younger and I knew that it would not be easy entering into a May-December relationship with someone who was very different than me in terms of style, dress, speech and daily habits…but I decided to throw caution to the wind, embrace difference and enjoy learning and loving someone new.
Needless to say, it turned out to be a complete and total disaster for a myriad of reasons.
For one, the dude ended up cheating on me due to his cold, callous and restless nature. It’s dick-imprint season and regardless of my generous endowments, GoldiCOCK had to fuck the three bears just to see which one was just right. Somehow I get the impression that none of them were a good fit considering dude has a hole in his soul no dick could fill.
Two, he was a complete narcissist who had the morals of a serial killer and the emotional maturity of a 5-year-old. Aside from these serious issues, the relationship was fraught with a series of power struggles, power plays, rebellious antics and emotional abandonment. Charge it to my loneliness and dismissal of serious red flags noticed early on in the relationship. Womp womp womp.
After this experience I realized many things one of which is that I can no longer seriously entertain the prospect of a long term relationship with a 20-something. Sure we can mess around, Netflix and Chill, Hulu and Hump, Vudu and Do You but as for a real relationship with a 20-something complete with all the bells and whistles, you can miss me with it. Here are a list of reasons why:
1. Your age will always be a factor regardless of how many times you are assured it won’t be.
Throughout my former relationship with the 20-something fuck boi, loser (mind you I’m not bitter), I was constantly reminded of my age and as a distinguished man in his early thirties. It was believed that it was my responsibility to do all the legwork for love. I was always expected to initiate dates, pay for dates, be his emotional backbone, shower him with loads of attention, validation and praise while all he did was look good for Snapchat videos and occasionally tickled my dick hair with his wincing tongue. My needs were never considered a factor as he was not equipped developmentally to deal with my experience as a 30-something. In fact I had to constantly complain about him not listening to me which only drove a wedge between our commitment to communicate our needs openly to one another.
2. There will come a time in the relationship when you will feel like a father figure.
Throughout the course of a relationship with a 20-something gay man, you will begin to feel like a parent. Your attempts to try and motivate your partner will be misconstrued as attempts to try and change or control them. They will resent you for this and resist and rebel at every turn like a spoiled child. You will begin to feel like the responsible one as you trolley off to your 9-5 while they coast on part time hours, late night bar hopping and wake and bake sessions with other loser type bed heads.
There will indeed be a mismatch in priorities and while this may seem like no big deal at first, ultimately their lack of motivation and ambition will begin to work your last nervous system. Also it has been my experience that a lot of gay men come with baggage regarding their fathers. The relationships they share with their fathers are either strained or non-existent. They resent their fathers and will carry this resentment over into the relationship and you will notice some interesting dynamics at play that are reminiscent of parent child roles. At one point my ex told me that I reminded him of his father. Besides being disgusted by the incestuous reference, it began to make sense to me why he wouldn’t cooperate with even the least bit of my requests for reciprocity.
3. You will be seen as a sugar daddy.
When you date a 20-something, they will try to bury you before your time. They will try to bury you in financial debt, guilt, doubt and stress. You will ultimately get the sneaking suspicion that you are seen as nothing more than a living breathing cash register only good for favors. Your bleeding heart will be an allegorical giving tree disassembled down to its bloody stump. These 20-something bottom feeders will go shopping with you, smile sweetly, drop hints as to items that they want and will expect you to go deep into the abyss of your pockets to pay their way through life. Their entitlement game is ridiculous. And you will not be privy to all the rules.
4. They will always feel like they are missing out on some experience by being in a monogamous relationship with you.
Gay men in their twenties are looking for drama. They are looking for scandal, intrigue, dish, the hottest tea served up on a plate of shade and will often times not be happy in a good, healthy, functioning relationship. They have not yet evolved past their skewed definition of what love is and will often see love as an episode of Empire. Because of this they will seek out opportunities to cry and bitch and will only claim to love men who are cold distant and emotionally unavailable as this is the unspoken criteria necessary to win their heart.
5. They don’t fully grasp the meaning of Karma.
Dumb fucks that they are, 20-somethings are so busy operating under a false belief of invincibility; they do not realize that the energy they put out into the world today will one day be the energy that comes back to haunt them tomorrow. They do not fully understand that the choices they make today. The infidelity they commit today will be the betrayal they sustain tomorrow. Because of this they coldly and callously go around hurting innocent people because they do not fully understand what it means to hurt. They see that old man sitting at the bar hunched over crying into his malted beverage and they think, “That will never be me! I’m gonna quit gay bars at 30”. Silly rabbits, resolutions are for kids. They fail to realize the vibratory frequency that ricochets off the object of their contempt and boomerangs back to them. For this, they have my sympathy.
6. You will always have to manage your feelings alone.
20-somethings are not equipped to deal with the things that are happening developmentally in the life of a 30-something. They are selfish and while they may patiently listen passed the cloud of green swirling above their busy manes, they are unprepared to really provide the emotional support necessary to really sustain meaningful relationships with others.
While 20-somethings can be a fun time and quell feelings of boredom, isolation and loneliness, they are merely a band aid, a bridge, a pain killer to be used as directed. I do not recommend taking them in consistent doses as to do so would be emotional suicide. Have fun, play safe but please spare your heart the break. It just isn’t worth the recovery time in the end.