50 Bad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Anyway
1.
“My girlfriend is always yelling at me because I get my directions mixed up.
So I packed my bags and right left away!”
2.
“What do Winnie the Pooh and Alexander the great have in common?
Same middle name!”
3.
“What’s the difference between a bird and a fly? A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird.”
4.
“1) I know a good knock knock joke but you need to start it
2) ok, knock knock
1) who’s there?”
5.
“What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.”
6.
“‘Guess what?’
‘What?’
‘Good guess.’”
7.
“Fish swimming upriver and bumps his head.
‘Dam.’”
8.
“A polar bear walks into a bar and says…………………. ‘I’ll have a beer.’
Bartender says, ‘What’s with the big pause?’
Polar bear replies, ‘I don’t know, I was born with them.’”
9.
“What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.”
10.
“This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder…”
11.
“Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.”
12.
“My wife walked in on me masturbating to an optical illusion.
I said, ‘Honey, it’s not what it looks like!’”
13.
“You want to hear a clean joke? A man took a bath with bubbles.
Want to hear the dirty joke? Bubbles is a man.”
14.
“What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.”
15.
“Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have little anty-bodies.”
16.
“The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.”
17.
“What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.”
18.
“A plateau is the highest form of flattery.”
19.
“I went to a zoo but there was only one dog in it. It was a Shitzu.”
20.
“A guy was throwing money into an outhouse. Another guy comes up and asks, ‘What the hell are you doing?’ The first guy says, ‘I dropped a dollar down there, and I ain’t goin down there for just a dollar.’”
21.
“Why did the old lady fall in the well?
Because she didn’t see that well.”
22.
“Two cannibals sit around a campfire. One says ‘Man, I hate my mother-in-law.’
The other one says, ‘Well, then, try the potatoes.’”
23.
“I tried to work in an orange juice factory but I couldn’t concentrate.”
24.
“A blind man walks into a bar…then a table, a chair, and a woman.”
25.
“What did the baby computer say to the father computer…?
Data.”
26.
“There are two muffins baking in an oven. The first muffin says, ‘Man, it sure is hot in here.’ The second muffin says, ‘Holy shit, a talking muffin!’”
27.
“A Mexican magician tells his audience he will disappear on three. So he says, ‘Uno…dos…’ POOF! He disappeared without a tres…”
28.
“I like my women like I like my coffee—without a penis”
29.
“How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Follow the Fresh Prints.”
30.
“What would Abraham Lincoln be doing if he were alive today?
Screaming and scratching at the top of his coffin.”
31.
“Last night I had a dream that I was a muffler, but when I woke up I was still exhausted.”
32.
“How do you spot Ronald McDonald at a nudist colony?
Look for the sesame seed buns.”
33.
“Where did Billy go when the building exploded? Everywhere.”
34.
“Why does a Chicken Coupe have two doors?
Because if it had four doors it would be a Chicken Sedan.”
35.
“What do get if you mix a dyslexic, an agnostic, and an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night, wondering whether or not there is a dog.”
36.
“The ultimate insult is ‘Who is this clown?’
Not only are you calling them a clown, but you are also saying they are one of the lesser-known clowns.”
37.
“Why did the duck cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.”
38.
“What do Batman say to Robin when they are getting into the Batmobile?
‘C’mon, Robin, get into the Batmobile!’”
39.
“What do you call a black astronaut? An astronaut, you racist!”
40.
“What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese.”
41.
“What’s the difference between a boner and a Ferrari?
I don’t have a Ferrari.”
42.
“Yo mama’s so fat that when she hauls ass she has to take 2 trips.”
43.
“‘Ask me if I’m a rock.’
‘Are you a rock?’
‘Yes. Now, ask me if I’m a tree.’
‘Are you a tree?’
‘No, I’m a rock, dumbass.’”
44.
“What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.”
45.
“A man walks into a bar.
Ouch! It was a metal bar.”
46.
“What’s the difference between a refrigerator and a monkey? Refrigerators can’t climb trees.”
47.
“Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To hold their pants up.”
48.
“Q: Have you ever hear of Murphy’s Law?
A: It’s the law that if it can go wrong, it will.
Q: Have you ever heard of Cole’s Law?
A: It’s chopped cabbage.”
49.
“Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands?
Because they’re dead.”
50.
“How do you keep an idiot in suspense?”
