1. We come last—after women and children.
“Rampant sexism against men.
Why are there federal set asides for ‘Women Owned Small Businesses’?
Why are men automatically disbelieved on campus when accused of rape?
Why do women usually get the children in divorce?
Why are women and children first?”
2. We are disposable.
The world does not care about men the same way it cares about women.
A woman dying violently is a hate crime; a man dying violently is a Tuesday.”
3. We don’t get touched.
“Men don’t get touched. Platonic physical intimacy is important and men generally don’t get it from others. We’re taught not to from a young age because it’s socially inappropriate. Try introducing in your lives or in the lives of the men around you. Simple touch makes a difference.”
4. We have to cry in secret.
“You have to cry in secret.”
5. We are treated as second-class citizens by female teachers.
“As a high school student, the worst part of being a man is the treatment of male students. I once had an old female teacher that spread each boy apart, but let all the girls sit together wherever they wanted. Men are the easiest to pin the blame on when anything goes wrong for some reason.”
6. We’re not allowed to fight back if a woman hits us.
“Not being allowed to fight back if a woman hits you. Also, if she hit you, you probably deserved it.”
7. We are success objects.
“Being stereotyped as you’re the man you need to be the breadwinner and take care of the family financially but my gf doesn’t agree with the woman staying home with the kids and cooking and cleaning the house. But she doesn’t work or clean and I pay all the bills… But for the record I love her and I get to be the house wife too so at least everything gets done right.”
8. We’re invisible to everybody.
“I wish I wasn’t so invisible to everybody. I’m so lonely. I haven’t physically touched another human in so long. I miss touch. I miss comfort.”
9. We’re always viewed as the guilty one.
“Always viewed as the guilty one.”
10. We’re always the wrong person in every situation involving women or kids, no matter what.
“You’re always wrong. Always. You are the instigator of every conflict, but you’re also expected to rush into every conflict. A guy watching the kids is a creep. A guy walking at night is a threat. You’re always the wrong person in every situation involving women or kids, no matter what.”
11. We rarely get hugs.
“How rarely we get hugs. From my experience men are supposed to be hardasses with no sentimental feelings. But goddamnit a single hug from either gender can make our entire day.
Also while I’m at it, literally any touch from a female is a major thing for a lot of men, I’m talking hand on shoulder, hug, arm grab, I can’t put into words how that feels, and no, it’s not in a pervy way.”
12. We get laughed at if we get raped.
“People laughing at you if you get raped.”
13. We are not supposed to show any emotions.
“We are not supposed to show any emotions.”
14. We’re expected to save the day or die trying.
“Always expecting a man to save the day or just die saving the day.”
15. We are presumed guilty in the court of public opinion.
“I understand why, but in the court of public opinion, you are guilty until proven innocent, and even then, your name is never completely cleared. It’s amazing how many times I’ve gotten glares from moms for doing responsible adult stuff. If I see a child who looks lost, I go up and ask them if they know where their parents are.”
16. We can’t take paternity leave.
“I want to take time off of work to be with my newborn. Taking two weeks off, but the perception I feel is that it is a crazy amount of time since I am one of the men in the department. I want to be there for my wife and new son.”
17. We don’t get many compliments.
“Not too many compliments. A guy needs a compliment from time to time.”
18. We don’t get believed when we say females bully us, too.
“The fact that few people believe that males get bullied by females. Males are expected to deal with it or to stop exaggerating.”
19. We are only valued for our paycheck.
“You are your job. It’s the single, overriding factor used to evaluate your identity and your value to the world. Your primary value in a household is the paycheck you contribute to it. In many cultures, even our surnames are derived from occupations.
An unemployed or underemployed man is persona non grata in a way that women fundamentally do not understand. Your chances of divorce jump dramatically when the man in the marriage loses his job, but not the woman.
The resentment women feel over only being valued for their looks? Yeah, I feel that exact same resentment over only being valued for my paycheck. Oh, but I’m also expected to be good-looking.”
20. We’re expected to make the first move.
“99% of the time, having to be the one who makes the first move for any potential relationship type things.”
21. We aren’t allowed to share our feelings.
“Men aren’t ‘allowed’ to share their feelings and consequently have a much higher suicide rate.”
22. We’re expected to do all the dirty work.
“Who gets to change the flat tire when you’re on the highway with your S/O?”
23. We’re the one who is expected to ‘perform’ during sex.
“Always being the one who is expected to ‘perform’ when it comes to sex. It would be nice, if just occasionally, you made the effort to please me and didn’t just expect multiple orgasms because you’ve deemed me worthy of getting near your lady bits.”
24. We get lonely and nobody cares.
“I’m so incredibly lonely. I don’t express this outwardly but I’ve been single for a long time and have no prospects whatsoever, and I feel so… Unnoticed. Irrelevant. Basically invisible.
Not saying I want a bunch of women fawning all over me, because I don’t. I just want to get one text message that says ‘I miss you’ so that I know I matter to at least one person in the world.”
25. We can’t be victimized by women according to the law.
“Oh, there’s several. In the eyes of the law, the following are issues facing men:
-Can’t be victims of rape.
-Can’t be victims of domestic abuse.
-Are not taken seriously in any issue with a female aggressor.”
26. We get body-shamed, and it’s not considered sexist.
“‘Men can’t get raped.’ ‘There is no such thing as sexism against men.’ ‘I’m so tired of people body shaming women!’ 3 seconds later ‘lol I bet this guy has a small dick!’”
27. We’re compelled to register for the draft.
“The draft. There’s a fun ‘equal rights’ conversation.”
28. We’re mocked for being stay-at-home dads.
“Stay-at-home moms are thought of as sacrificing for their children. Stay-at-home dads are bums leeching off their wife’s hard work.”
29. We’re expected to take it when a woman hits us.
“That it’s OK for a woman to hit a man but not the other way around
Don’t get me wrong—I don’t advocate hitting anyone; but if a woman does instigate physical abuse it tends to go one of two ways:
1) the man takes it and people laugh it off 2) the man hits back and the woman is knocked down and then potentially plays the victim
Genuinely infuriates me; if you can’t take it then don’t dish it out. Treat people how you wish to be treated.”
30. We’re routinely trivialized as untrustworthy or evil.
“How it is okay, even fashionable, to mock or trivialize men as being untrustworthy or evil. That and the lack of emotional support to cope with and recover from psychological pain.
The men who actually do evil things tend to be a product of abuse or prolonged emotional isolation. No one who goes off crossing personal boundaries or hurting others does so when they feel understood.”
31. We are depicted as perverts if we have sex toys, whereas women are celebrated for it.
“If we buy sex toys for ourselves we are massive perverts, but women buying dildos/vibrators—totally normal. Something, something, equality, something.”
32. We’re all viewed as potential rapists.
“The fact that we’re all viewed as ‘potential rapists.’”
33. We get accused of ‘mansplaining’ no matter what point we’re trying to make.
“I get accused of mansplaining a lot when the truth is I’m just trying to make sure I’m being understood. The desire the be understood is something that is universal to all life.”
34. We’re expected to ‘be a man’ about our mental health issues.
“The mental health stigma is still a huge issue. ‘Just be a man about it, stop being a pu***,’ all while struggling with grief and crippling depression…or any mental health illness to be fair.”
35. We have no choice when it comes to child support and custody issues.
“Child support and custody issues. Woman gets to decide whether or not to have the kid in the first place. If he wants it and she doesn’t, he’s out of luck.
And if she wants it and he doesn’t, well he’s out of luck too. Plus, out of 18 years’ worth of child support.
Yeah, I know…wear a condom. But no birth control method is 100%. That’s an expensive equipment failure.”
36. We have to tiptoe around every single conversation or interaction with a female in case they get ‘offended.’
“Having to tiptoe around every single conversation or interaction with a female in case they get ‘offended.’ I was once called into my boss’ office for asking the new girl if she’d like to join us for work drinks this weekend (as a big group of us were going out that Friday night) who told me in the break room that she ‘doesn’t know many people here and doesn’t know how to talk to anyone.’ I thought asking her to or planned works drinks that weekend would be a perfect opportunity to get to know more people at our work. Nope, she felt very uncomfortable and had a word to my boss.”
37. We’re expected to follow old rules of chivalry despite all the rhetoric about ‘equality.’
“The building I work in (35 story, downtown high rise) has an unwritten set of rules/elevator etiquette where, as a man, I have to let all the women on the elevator first, regardless of who got there first. Not a big deal, except that there is another unwritten rule where I have to let them off first as well.
How am I supposed to be the last one on the elevator, then through some miracle of shuffling in a crowded elevator do I also let you off first??? This causes many awkward moments for me…”
38. We’re exposed to genital mutilation at birth.
“Society is not only ok with your parents/religious leaders cutting parts of your dick off, but many prefer it.”
39. We’re expected to be stoic but sensitive at the same time.
“The double-edged sword of being expected to keep yourself calm, collected and essentially emotionless during seemingly difficult times, while simultaneously expected to be sensitive, loving and caring.”
40. We get harsher prison sentences for the same crimes.
“We are viewed as expendable. We are not allowed alone with kids, because we are all suspected pedos. We are all rapists until proven otherwise. We can very easily get our kids taken away in divorce. We get harsher sentences. We are supposed to ignore and/or accept it when women hit you. We can apparently not get raped or sexually harassed.”
41. We have no advocacy organizations.
“Women have organizations that fight for them. They have massive movements, and they’re allowed to have a voice without being told to shut up and stop complaining. Feminism is largely viewed as a good thing for the world, even when a large portion of it is dedicated to blaming men for their problems. Meanwhile, when men speak up and point out double standards, inequity in the legal system, or any of their problems, it’s either dismissed as whining or attacked as being misogynist, whether or not it has anything to do with women. The men’s rights movement is the closest thing that men have to feminism, but it doesn’t propose taking anything from women. It only seeks to give men the same rights that women already have. Even so, MRAs are almost universally reviled by the general public. Men have no recourse for their problems, and those problems aren’t even acknowledged to exist in the first place, even by other men.”
42. We are the vast majority of the homeless population.
“I’ll never complain about being a man physically, but there are so many dickered social standards in the US:
• Harsher sentencing in court. Judges and cops alike tend to favor women.
• Male prisoners are a massive labor force in the US. Slavery is alive and well.
• Near impossible to get custody of kids after a divorce. Many men are forced to pay out child support to unstable exes.
• Vast majority of the homeless population is male. See the point above.
• No say in abortion decisions. Woman can have the child or abort the child without any input from the man, either way affecting his life forever.
• Difficult to show affection to other people (especially women and children) without it being assumed sexual in nature.
• Can’t deny sex from a woman without social ramifications.
• Can’t walk behind a woman without an awareness she is probably scared
• Can’t openly speak about men’s issues without being belittled as a global oppressor bitching about his first world problems
• Domestic abuse or rape complaints not taken seriously
• Defending yourself against female assaulter[s] is pretty much guaranteed to bring on an army of suddenly violent white knights
• Collectively blamed for every global issue imaginable
• Responsible for initiating conversation with a woman of romantic interest but subject to all forms of ridicule abuse when the interest is not mutual (to those ladies who have made a point to handle this gracefully, thank you)
• Less likely to get admitted to college, all else being equal to a female competitor
• Less likely to be hired for a knowledge work job, all else being equal to a female competitor
• Initiating conversation is almost always seen as an attempt at getting a date.
Pretty much all soldiers are men (not that I would change this, but I hear war sucks)
• Women complain if you aren’t sensitive, but will dump you or worse if you’re too soft
• Women can retroactively retract sexual consent which can lead to rape/sexual-assault charges
• Rape accusations never really go away. I think all rape allegations should be taken seriously, but there should be very harsh punishments when the accuser is ousted as a fraud.
• Male specific charities and scholarships are underfunded or simply shut down, e.g. homeless shelters, cancer research, etc.
• Perfectly okay to mutilate an infant male’s genitalia
• If you don’t concede that you are a feminist to a person that poses the question, cover your ears.
• Women absolutely have issues in society, but they are not of the same magnitude as they used to be, and few of them are independent to women. Yes, males tend to have the upper hand physically, and some males use that to abuse females (much more common to abuse smaller males, but no one cares). Biological secondary sex traits aren’t a cultural or legal issue though. Feminism doesn’t prevent this abuse from happening. I don’t know how to prevent rape other than by avoiding rapists. Life is complex and the world is scary, but that’s not a gender issue. I will say that a group of women loudly proclaiming my sexual desirability, or even complimenting my clothing choices, would totally ruin my week…. Straight to Tumblr to document this oppression!
• Real men’s issues are largely ignored, and it really seems that Feminism is fighting tooth and nail to remain a thing by inventing shit to complain about. I will say that feminism was pretty badass back in the day. Women can now vote and leave the house to work if they want to. Who makes the home and changes the diapers shouldn’t be decided by gender (although if one parent doesn’t, the other probably should). That’s great, job well done. That’s it though, the job is done. We now have equal rights, as far as the law is concerned. Time to wrap it up ladies (and brainwashed men).
• The focus on social justice is almost entirely irrelevant in modern, western society from a feminist standpoint. Feminism: Cancer Edition is crying about patriarchy in the West, and this entire thread will probably be locked because you can’t even talk about men’s issues without being labeled a misogynist.
• I’m sorry, but if your political platform consists of eliminating mansplaining, manspreading, manterruption, microaggressions, and coaxing more women into certain careers simply because they are women, then you’re only going to be taken seriously by the teenagers you indoctrinate on college campuses.
Also, what’s with all this sweating?”
43. We will only ever be valued as a paycheck in the eyes of the family court system.
“I got a subpoena today for family court. I was there once with my ex after my first child. In mediation, the volunteer law student (a female), talked my ex into saying she feared me despite no abuse (neither verbal nor physical) or hints of abuse indicated by my ex. It sucks being a man because despite both my ex and I having just enough to get by, she’s most likely going to end up with about 20% of my income. This will force me into either living with my parents, at 30, or I’ll have to move into an area ridden with gang violence. My ex neglects washing my kids, brushing their teeth (my six-year-old lost 2 molars to cavities, despite me flossing and brushing every night when they’re with me.), and apparently reading to my children is ‘my thing,’ so learning is my unique agenda for my kids. However, in the State of Wisconsin, it’s a mother’s state, and judges routinely rule against men. I could only surmise the reason is that men tend to work more and the family court cuts administrative fees as part of child support. The sad thing is that this subpoena is for my 2nd and youngest child who has a wayyyy stronger bond with me than her mom. My ex gave up breastfeeding before leaving the hospital and I took a month of paternity leave and was up every night with her. Even when my ex quit her job shortly after the birth, I would work 16 hour shifts and come home and take care of my baby girl. We’ve been inseparable since my youngest was born. I take care of my girls every day of the week whether I work or not, and sometimes don’t sleep after forced 16 hour shifts just to be there. I don’t know what I’ll be able to do, but I know the courts will at best be neutral towards me. The best I’ve ever heard a man doing in WI is getting split placement and they always owe tons of money. Even in cases where the mom is a habitual opiate abuser with a criminal record, moms win in court and take money even if they forfeit placement.
TLDR: Trying to be a super active father and strong role model means nothing in family court. You’ll only ever be valued as a paycheck in the eyes of the family court system. At least in Wisconsin.”
44. We are not allowed to be depressed.
“You’re not allowed to be depressed.”
45. We get no attention for the diseases men get.
“The lack of attention to diseases men get. You see pink all over the place for the Susan G. Komen for the Cure. However, no attention is paid to the fact that men can also get breast cancer, and there’s colon cancer, testicular cancer, prostate cancer etc. etc. I know there is Movember (Not shaving in November to raise awareness for cancers that men get) but zero attention is paid to it. Nobody gives a fuck when a man commits suicide- he’s supposed to be strong. Men can be sexually assaulted and raped too, yet many will deny it. So fucked up. Also if we look at a kid for longer than 2 seconds = pedophile.”
46. We are disposable.
The world does not care about men the same way it cares about women.
A woman dying violently is a hate crime; a man dying violently is a Tuesday.”
47. We’re expected to do all the manual labor.
“Always being asked to do manual labor around the office (or in general).”
48. We’re never allowed to show that something bothers us.
“You always have to hold up the facade of nothing bothering you.
You’re a man, after all, swallow it up. Don’t be a little bitch.”
49. We can be crushingly, absolutely alone, and no one cares..
“I am so crushingly, absolutely alone. I have almost no face to face interaction that isn’t work. I have two friends in the area but they are married to each other and are very busy. And I can talk to people online all day. I can text. I can call. But none of that changes the fact that I feel like my chest is so hollow it feels like I’m just going to collapse in on myself. It all feels so fake, like I’m just talking to myself or some kind of social masturbation. I haven’t felt valued in any way in years. I literally cannot remember the last time I received any sort of compliment. I’m just a faceless cog in the machine, waiting for the inevitable day I break and have to be replaced. And that’s supposed to be fucking normal. I don’t know what to do. I’m starting to wonder if I can even do anything.”
59. We are constantly expected to be stoic and emotionless.
“I could say a lot of things, from being constantly expected to be stoic and emotionless, to having to constantly ignore people who think it’s fine to do stuff ‘just because’ I’m a man.
But one thing that makes my blood boil is the laws on rape in the UK. Example; men in the UK cannot be raped by a woman. It’s impossible, not because everyone here is great and respects each other, but since rape is defined as the nonconsensual penetration of a penis, women can’t rape, even if they drugged you. Even if they took advantage of you.
Domestic abuse. It’s unknown how many men actually experience domestic abuse, because people always comment on the signs and symptoms of domestic abuse as if they’re talking about a man. People don’t realize that it can also apply to them, and since we’re expected to ‘put up with it’ and ‘be a man,’ the crime rates for it are artificially high. In fact, this comment here sums it up perfectly.
Men inside teaching. Men are constantly looked at as a pedophile while teaching children, or playing with children, at all.
You would think I would be over? But I’m not. False rape accusations. False rape accusations against men are a massive problem. Not only do they happen every day, but they’re malicious, they’re disgusting, and even if innocent, many people treat them as if they’re guilty. Nearly every. single. time. the person is not prosecuted for filing a false rape report, even when they’re as destroying as they are.
This, plus a lot more double standards, and you get why it sucks to be a man.”
515. We get laughed at when we talk about our problems.
“People laugh at your problems.”
52. We are never the victim.
“You are never the victim—you are either weak or projecting.”
53. We are expected to be tall but can’t expect a woman to be skinny.
“Guys are expected to be tall (which they cannot control) but can’t expect someone to be skinny (which is more controllable to some degree). Neither should be the expectation.”
54. We have no real choice in the ‘pro-choice’ debate.
All objections and arguments against this rely on double standards. If it’s not moral to force a woman to be responsible in any way for a child just because a pregnancy occurs, then the same for men or you’re a sexist. Just watch, they’ll prove me, and my username, correct with whiny, silent, butthurt downvotes and salty comments to follow bellow.”
55. We’re not allowed to point out double standards.
“When I point out sexism goes both ways I get called misogynistic.”
56. We can’t yell and scream in public like women can.
“A woman can yell and scream and wave her arms around when she’s upset—about anything, even the tiniest bullshit issue—and it’s fine… She’s empowered, she’s living large, she’s keeping it real, whatever. If a man shows his anger—even over something completely legitimate—in any physical/loud way, that’s not fucking cool. So, in short: Double standards & hypocrisy.”
57. We suffer nearly all workplace deaths.
“93% of workplace deaths, the majority of homeless (and there is one male shelter for every 120 women’s/children’s shelter), the majority of suicides.
We’re also the majority of domestic abuse victims, but men are less likely to report those crimes. And if they do report them, the cops are less likely to do anything about it.”
58. We’re told we’re ‘privileged’ while society ignores all our problems.
“Having society ignore your problems, which are plenty, then tell you you’re ‘privileged.’”
59. We’re expected to suffer all the worst fates in society.
“People don’t care at all about gender inequality when it comes to all the negatives of being a man. 97% of people in prison are men. 94% of people killed by police are men. 75% of homeless people are men. 76% of all suicides are men. 92% of workplace fatalities are men. Nobody gives a shit that pretty much all of the worst, life destroying things that can happen to a human overwhelmingly happen to men. There are no advocacy groups, no marches, no outrage, it’s just expected that men are the ones who suffer all the worst fates in society, but they are constantly begrudged when they also rise to the greatest heights.”
60. We’re automatically presumed to be the aggressor in all domestic disputes.
“I’m in high school, we have a health class. We recently covered a section about rape, abusive relationships, sexual assault, etc. What I caught on to pretty quickly is that every victim was a girl and every antagonist was a guy in the examples. At first, our health teacher made an effort to be gender neutral. Soon, ‘the reason it’s hard for somebody who is the victim of an abusive relationship to leave is that the abuser is very manipulative’ became ‘the reason it’s hard for a woman to leave an abusive relationship is that men are very manipulative.’ Whenever we watched a video about it in class, the male actor was violent and impulsive, while the female actress was innocent and harmless. Naturally, the guy ended up being the crazy rapist. Every. Single. Time. The thing that bothered me the most was rape statistics. Any time they were brought up, it would be ‘obviously, men are still raped but it happens so much more to women and it’s often more traumatic to women.’ There was so much emphasis placed on 1/4th of women to 1/7th of men. Men barely get raped, ever. When they do, they don’t even really mind anyways. And this was in a class full of 13-14 year olds. I honestly couldn’t believe it. It’s funny how the rape support group scenes always had 1 guy who barely talked and then 7 girls. It’s funny how these figurative rape victims are always referred to as ‘her’ and ‘she’. It’s funny how all of this advice on dealing with an abusive relationship only applies to women. It’s funny how men all apparently think rape is okay.
I’d never really thought about any gender issues too much, but that section in Health struck me as scathingly sexist. I tried to voice that opinion in class—respectfully and rationally—and of course the teacher (female) and half of the class (female) shut it down immediately. I hated that whole section so much. Sorry for ranting.”
61. We get bullied by women, and no one cares..
“I used to get bulled by a group of girls in middle school. They used to jump me, knock stuff out of my hands whenever they saw me, pants me at lunch, etc.
I didn’t have any friends at the time to make things worse lol. They always tried to pressure me to hit them back or fight back. I didn’t no matter what because morals. No one bothered to stop them, and when I reached out teachers didn’t give a shit. They stopped when one day I wore a T shirt and they noticed all the bruises I had on my arms from getting jumped
I picked up MMA in high school and when people got word of that, nobody fucked with me.”
62. We’re more likely to get arrested and convicted for the same crime.
“• More likely to get arrested and convicted for the same crime.
• More likely to get a harsher sentence for the same crime.
• More likely to lose child custody battles.
• No paternal rights outside of marriage, despite paternal obligations.
• Expected to be physically strong and not shy away from hard labor.
• Expected to be chivalrous, giving up convenience and comfort for others, particularly women.
• Ridiculed/emasculated if shown to be emotional (excluding anger/rage).
• Usually obligated to make the first move in a romantic situation (must ‘pick up on signals,’ girl can play coy while the man is expected to be the one to go out on a limb and suffer humiliating rejection).
• Still a larger expectation on men to earn money and provide for the family.
• Seen as pedophiles if showing interest in children or simply in the vicinity of children.
• Male rape is a laughing matter for most.
• Paid paternity leave isn’t very common.
• Apparently, we have shorter life expectancies.
• Military drafts typically only apply to us.
• ‘Women and children first!’
• Lower tips in service jobs.
• Less opportunity to benefit from sex appeal and/or looks.
• Men’s restrooms typically have less privacy (side-by-side urinals, maybe with minimal dividers)
• Higher suicide rates”
63. We’re more likely to be arrested than our abuser if we call the cops.
64. We are either invisible, expendable, a threat, or a wallet.
“I am either invisible, expendable, a threat, or a wallet.”
65. We can be easily destroyed by a psycho ex.
“How easy it is to be destroyed when a relationship with a psycho is cut off.
I was in the 8th grade when I dated a girl who, in the span of about 8 months, made up a false rape story where she was raped by a boy she met online, claimed she had sex with a boy who died of cancer and might be pregnant with his kid, and that I only wanted her for her body (she was a 7/10, was desperate for love).
When I finally decided to break up with her, she threatened to kill herself. The next school year she started telling my new friends that I’d raped her although we never had sexual contact. I rubbed her pants once at her request.
She then tried to claim I was physically abusive to her during our relationship and that I emotionally abused her after SHE broke up with ME, although I cut all ties with her after we broke up.
Two friends of mine also dated that year, and the girl in the relationship broke up with him for being emotionally abusive (with chat logs to back it up). He blamed me for the breakup and had his new girlfriend scream ‘RAPE!’ at me in the hallways for the entire semester whenever she passed me.”
66. We are shamed for being virgins.
“‘Virgin’ is used as an insult against us, to dehumanize us and make us seem worthless. Just like with jobs, many women don’t want an inexperienced man, which leads to the catch 22 where you’re caught in an endless cycle of rejection. The weight of the V-card is a burden I bear every day from society’s expectations. I don’t want to lose it to a prostitute or a hookup, but I don’t want it to weigh me down for another 10 years. The longer I wait, the heavier it gets, the larger the stigma becomes.”