There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.
You can learn a lot about a woman by getting smashed with her.
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
One more drink and I’ll be under the host.
Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
—George Bernard Shaw
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
—W. C. Fields
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it.
—Robert E. Lee
You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.
—F. Scott Fitzgerald
I know I’m drinking myself to a slow death, but then I’m in no hurry.
I began to think vodka was my drink at last. It didn’t taste like anything, but it went straight down into my stomach like a sword swallowers’ sword and made me feel powerful and godlike.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Next to music, beer was best.
Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.
—F. Scott Fitzgerald
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
—William Butler Yeats
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we’re not poets.
You put three girls in a house, and all of a sudden before you know it, you’re talking about boys and drinking whiskey, and things go down and you get deep real quick.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Let us be lazy in everything, except in loving and drinking, except in being lazy.
—Gotthold Ephraim Lessing
Liquor is the chloroform which enables the poor man to endure the painful operation of living.
—George Bernard Shaw
When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.
I see that a man cannot give himself up to drinking without being miserable one half his days and mad the other.
War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.
I am more afraid of alcohol than of all the bullets of the enemy.
There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.
It’s like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don’t know where you’re going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It’s like the throw of the dice.
I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.
—Hunter S. Thompson
An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.
That is the remarkable thing about drinking: it brings people together so quickly, but between night and morning it sets an interval again of years.
—Erich Maria Remarque
When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument.
—C. S. Forester
I don’t have a drinking problem ‘cept when I can’t get a drink.
Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl’s clothes off.
Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.
—G. K. Chesterton, Heretics
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
—W. C. Fields
My justification is that most people my age spend a lot of time thinking about what they’re going to do for the next five or ten years. The time they spend thinking about their life, I just spend drinking.
I’ve stopped drinking, but only while I’m asleep.
A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.
Tequila. Straight. There’s a real polite drink. You keep drinking until you finally take one more and it just won’t go down. Then you know you’ve reached your limit.
Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.
—Sammy Davis, Jr.
I try not to drink too much because when I’m drunk, I bite.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
—Finley Peter Dunne
It’s okay saying sorry, but when you are drunk you say what you really feel.
Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life’s problems.
I don’t even drink! I can’t stand the taste of alcohol. Every New Year’s Eve I try one drink and every time it makes me feel sick. So I don’t touch booze—I’m always the designated driver.
I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.
If everybody in this town connected with politics had to leave town because of chasing women and drinking, you would have no government.
So, after awhile, you can only get so much happiness from a guy who’s drunk come up and tell you you’re great.
Of all vices, drinking is the most incompatible with greatness.
The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour.
But the trouble is that when you drink it, you invariably meet other people drinking it.
Our national drug is alcohol. We tend to regard the use any other drug with special horror.
—William S. Burroughs
When a woman drinks it’s as if an animal were drinking, or a child. Alcoholism is scandalous in a woman, and a female alcoholic is rare, a serious matter. It’s a slur on the divine in our nature.
Alcohol is a very patient drug. It will wait for the alcoholic to pick it up one more time.
Paintings are like a beer, only beer tastes good and it’s hard to stop drinking beer.
The worse you are at thinking, the better you are at drinking.
Alcohol decimated the working class and so many people.
Drinking intensifies all your pressures and your needs.
I loved the full heat of being drunk, like I was made of melting chocolate and spreading in all directions.
Nothing bonds two solitary individuals like a good shared drunk. This is a scientific fact. It’s important, even necessary for the long-term welfare of the planet to get good and shit-faced with your neighbor every now and then.
The piano has been drinking, not me.
I’ve never understood people who just go out for one drink. Once I have one drink, I want all the drinks.
Those partial to drink were hiding faults and dishonesty. They were sloppy souls, even the ones with pleasant manners and fine noses.
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
The only cure for a real hangover is death.
Depression is real. Anxiety is real. PTSD is real. ALL mental illnesses are real. Don’t believe anyone who is trying to tell you otherwise.
Every time I’m stressed I distract myself with doing something nice for someone else and it’s the best thing on this planet to watch someone’s eyes light up because they weren’t expecting something nice to happen.