7 Steps For Finding A Relationship That’s Going To Make You Happy

Are you looking for the perfect relationship with the perfect person? You know, the one that’s going to make you happy? Well, don’t!

1. Let go of the notion of “perfect”

Don’t look for perfection, because that’s the very first stumbling block that keeps you from finding a relationship. Just as you are not perfect, there’s not a perfect person out there waiting for you. By letting go of this dream, you can start working on a more realistic basis to find a person that’s truly good for you.

2. Think of three defining characteristics

Think of your soulmate. What are three personality characteristics that are important to you that they should have? Don’t be vague — a “nice” person, if you said that, is not descriptive enough. What are some specific behaviors that a “nice” person exhibits that are meaningful to you? That’s what you are after. How will these personal qualities advance your relationship and make your life happy?

3. Love yourself

To fall in love with someone, you need first to fall in love with yourself. Start with the basics: Do you care about yourself? Do you do things that are good for your body and mind? Do you respect yourself? Do you know when to say “no” and set boundaries so that you won’t get hurt? Do you believe that you are a good person who deserves happiness in life? Speak to yourself with kind and encouraging words.

4. Stop the self-doubt

It’s easy to start doubting yourself when things don’t go as you expected or dreamed. While it’s important to take an objective look at your actions and plans, doubting yourself is not going to get you far. Instead of self-bashing, look at your bigger goal and the smaller steps you have made in that direction. Are they matched? Or is it like you have a roadmap in your hands that tell you to go East while you are making strides West? If goals and actions are not aligned, you are not going to get the results you want, not because you are not worth it, but because you didn’t plan it.

5. Stop complaining that you are not lucky

Maybe you had your share of bad romances, relationships that didn’t go well or that went totally wrong; perhaps you think you are not lucky. Just accept these past relationships for what they were — good for while they lasted or total crap. Either way, you can’t go back and change them. But it’s not about luck; it’s about misjudging someone, having incomplete information when making a decision, taking a risk, or learning a lesson. Move on.

6. Enjoy your life — create your life

If you think “I will be happy when I have a good relationship,” you are wrong. It doesn’t work this way. If you cling to this deceptive belief, it’s going to rob you of happiness in the here and now. Don’t just wait for this special person to come around the corner and change your life. Enjoy your life the way it is. Add more fun, more things you enjoy, more positive and worthwhile people in your life. Enjoying your life will bring a smile to your face and broaden your mind to see new opportunities around you.

7. Embrace the future you

Are you waiting to find your better half? I’d suggest you don’t. You are a whole as you are — you are your own unique, second-to-none person. Consider this: in your future partner, are you looking for characteristics you don’t have? I assure you it’s going to be a lot easier to just go ahead and cultivate those very characteristics in yourself. Believe in you, who you are, and who you want to become. After all, change is the name of the human game.

Believe in yourself, love yourself, change in a positive direction, self-develop, and create your life. Be open to the opportunities to meet this special person, who’s not going to be “perfect,” but who’s going to be the right one for you. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Liza Varvogli

Psychologist & Psychotherapist. You have the power to change.