My World Would Be So Different If I Didn't Have Anxiety

I Miss You But You Have To Let Me Go

Let me go.

Unclench your death grip on my body and watch my entire being untangle from yours. Watch me turn away from you reluctantly but know that it’s for the best. Don’t chase because you’re making our parting more difficult than it already is. Don’t try to make me stay because it’s prolonging the inevitable.

Nothing about leaving you is easy. Your friends are also my friends. We’re still going to see each other on a regular basis. You still text me as though everything is normal. You still act as if we’re still together.

Except that it’s not. We have broken up.

Breaking up means I’m no longer yours in literally every sense of the word. It means you don’t get to call me randomly just because you miss me. It means we’re leading separate lives now, lives that no longer involve each other. It means we’re now in the past tense and the sooner we both accept this fact, the faster we can move on with our lives. It means accepting there is a reason for the way we end and we must not senselessly try to find our way back to each other.

Breaking up means accepting that one day, we’re going to fall in love just not with each other. It means having the maturity to acknowledge that as much as we miss us, we need time apart to heal until the day we’re ready to be friends. It means drawing a line because things are different now and we can’t behave like how we used to.

I was good with goodbyes or I used to be until I had to part with you. To me, there was never any point of holding on. I was almost cold-blooded going through the robotic motion of purging everything that reminded me of past lovers refusing to waste more time than necessary. I went on a no-contact rule and gradually forgot about them and coped the best way I can. I was able to be rational and detached and having my best interest at heart.

But when it comes to you, I couldn’t bring myself to wipe your presence cleanly from my life. I couldn’t see how suffocating toxic you are to me without thinking of your humane side. I couldn’t reject you when you wanted to continue to be ‘friends.’  

When it comes to you, I lost all of my sense and logic. I knew what I had to do, yet I couldn’t separate my emotion from it. And for the first time, I finally understood why some people never totally moved on from their old relationship and from each other.

I hated you for refusing to let me go with your schemes and manipulative nature to bind me tightly to you. I hated myself for giving in to you because I was supposed to be the clear-minded one for not falling deeper into your entrapment.

So please for the last time, I’m begging you to let me go. Don’t make things harder than it has to be. Don’t taint our memories and what we had by not giving us the proper closure we deserve. Don’t make me hate you more than I already did. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I write about falling in love and out of love.

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