I am slowly learning to keep going and take small baby steps every day even when it feels like it isn’t going to account much.
It’s easy to be envious of the glamorous lives of those who seem to have it all and feel bitter about how much I am lacking in comparison. It’s easy to focus on what is going wrong and wallowing in my self-pity. It’s easy to give up and look for an escape route the minute I see sign of trouble. It’s easy to feel that I’m stuck in a rut and doing nothing to change my situation.
But slowly, I learn that I don’t have to resign to fate thinking that this is the best I can get. Neither do I have to resist what is happening and fighting futilely against reality.
All I can do is do my best every day of my life. My boss may not appreciate me and my job may not be what I’m looking for but I won’t let that define me. I won’t spend every waking moment hating work and wishing I were somewhere else. I won’t live for the weekend and waste the rest of my days not truly living. I won’t get comfortable with the comfort zone and forget my ultimate dream.
I may be lost right now not knowing what is my next step but I will continue to find and see what my passion lie. I won’t give up thinking that this is all that is to life. I will work hard knowing that I’m proud of what I do. I will continue to look for opportunities and hustle until I get there.
I am slowly learning to believe in myself even in the face of crippling self-doubt and difficult circumstances.
It’s true that life hasn’t been going well for the longest time. Instead of blaming the circumstances, everyone around me, and the universe that brings me to such a state, I’m going to examine carefully why it is so. I believe that while I cannot seek to control every aspect that happens to me, I can choose the way I react.
In a world that is constantly telling me I’m not enough, I’m slowly learning to hold onto faith. That I’m enough as flawed and imperfect I am. That I’m making a difference around me however small it is. That as long as I’m doing my best and I’m satisfied with what I have, it is enough.
There is no right way to live and no such thing as a correct path that I should be taking. Success varies with everyone and I should not be overly concerned with what others think of me. It’s more important to be doing what I think it’s right and to be myself instead of wanting to impress them. They are not I and vice versa.
I am slowly learning that it’s okay if I don’t feel my best right now because eventually, I will find my way.
I must confess that it’s getting harder each day and sometimes, I wish for an easier life. I wonder why things happened the way they did. I hope for good things to happen for me without going through all the struggles and hardship.
But whenever I think back to how far I have come, I seek comfort in my ability to strive under pressure, my optimism to see light in the darkest tunnel, and my resilience to keep going even when life seems unbearable.
I am not a stranger to failure and I have my fair share of rejection. I’m not talented and I don’t have any special skill. My life is not enviable and it’s far from being perfect.
I may not be many things but you know what, I’m a survivor and I know that I will be okay.