You sit there, staring outside the window and watching as the rain continues to fall, all while thinking how strange it is that the weather very much reflects the feelings you are currently harboring inside. Gloomy – it feels like a shadow has been cast upon your usually sunny self, the self which usually sees the positive in all things and all you can see is darkness everywhere. You weren’t like this before, nor have you ever felt this down.
So, you find yourself asking, what happened? What changed?
Well, life happened. And it brought along several complications you didn’t see coming as well as a taste of bitter reality that not everything goes by smoothly. That it’s not always rainbows and sunshine. In fact, several storms are lurking in the horizon, testing you, threatening you.
You may be aware of it by now – that life is full of highs and lows. But still, that doesn’t stop you from feeling like a lost cause.
You look around and see several people your age already achieving so much. Some friends are starting their own family while others are busy traveling the world. Some are already thriving, starting a new life in another country while others are just too happy and so fulfilled with the life their currently in to think of finding a new one. And here you are, not even knowing where you stand. All you know is that you’re stuck, that you feel lost, that you’re failing in life.
What is it in them that makes them so lucky? That it feels like they have everything figured out? And what is it that you don’t have that you’re in this crossroad?
You used to be an achiever back then, so full of goals and so determined to reach them, but now, you’re not even sure of those dreams anymore. You don’t know whether they are even feasible, of just far-fetched ambitions. If they’re really what you want or just what you think you want. It’s like you lost that motivation in you to go after them. Even more, like you lost that spark you used to have to dream, to know and to push through with what you want.
You are not the person you used to be. You are not the person you once envisioned you would be. You’re just… you. A disappointment in your eyes. Helpless. Hopeless. Nowhere near your goals. You are not someone you ever thought you’d end up to become. And that’s okay.
Tell yourself that it’s okay to feel down and insecure. Nobody’s at the top all the time anyway. Everyone gets their own dose of highs and lows, they just don’t always like to show it. Feel what you are feeling now, remember it, understand that it happens to everyone. And eventually, make it as your motivation to act. Feeling that you lack in some ways actually shows that you acknowledge that you have more space to improve. Feeling down shows that you’re aware that there’s no way else to go but up. Don’t beat yourself for feeling down, what’s important is that you don’t stay in that stance. You may have gotten there against your will, but you surely can crawl your way back up voluntarily.
It’s okay to let yourself feel sad, what’s not okay is that you let that sadness, that incapacitating feeling of powerlessness weigh you down. Learn how to turn your weakness into strengths. Make that feeling that you are lacking as your driving force for you to strive harder, to do things better. Someday, you’ll get to a point when you’ll just laugh at how hopeless you once felt and how you thought you could never emerge from it.
It’s okay to feel lost at times, it’s okay to not know where to go or what to do. After all, that is what life is supposed to be – a delicious ambiguity. You don’t know what’s going to happen and that’s alright. Some may pretend to, but definitely, no one does. That is how life plays. Nothing is guaranteed.
It’s in not knowing where life may take us that makes it all more meaningful. Sure, you may feel clueless for a while, but it won’t last long. Eventually, despite your doubts and hesitations, a ray of light will shine upon you, you will finally see clearly. It will feel like waking up and feeling a strong force pulling you into the direction which you feel is right. You will be able to take a few steps forward in a pace which is just right for you. It may not be as fast as the others, but you are moving forward. You are moving from the place where you thought you could never get away from. And each step would feel momentous, freeing, liberating as you slowly emerge from the dungeon you were lurking in.
There are times when we get disappointed by ourselves, by something we failed to do. It’s time to forgive yourself for not being something you’re not. Things don’t always turn out the way we want them to be and we don’t always end up becoming the person we initially wanted to become. You are you, a living, feeling and sane human being capable of thinking things through and enjoying what’s around you. And that’s enough. Aspiring to become something or someone is good, but not to the point that you end up taking for granted what you have right now then becoming unhappy. Learn to appreciate the things you have in hand right now, you may not be hat wealthy yet, but you are also not poor. Be thankful that you can feed yourself three times a day, be thankful of your job. You need to let go of the ideal self you have in mind and just enjoy what you are right now.
Doors may feel like closing down on you but they’re not. Life is just taking you to where you ought to be. Don’t feel so upset when an opportunity comes running away, don’t look down on yourself because you weren’t given the promotion you’ve been expecting, or get hired by the company you’ve been eyeing on. Maybe those are just not for you. Maybe you’re just not ready yet. Or maybe, better things are coming for you. One door closes for another to open up to you, one which is just right, one which best suits you. It’s just there, it’s just somewhere. It just hasn’t opened yet.
Your time is coming, it’s just not now. Those friends you keep seeing happy, those you think of are successful? They also experienced times like this, they just made a way to work around it. It’s just a matter of timing and a way of thinking. Just always believe that better things are coming, if not now, then soon. You will also have your take of glory days, you will also reach that moment of bliss, just not now. It will come in the right moment, in the right time, you just have to work for it and wait.
You may feel like a failure, but you are not. You never were. You are just someone who’s having difficulty gliding through life, someone who’s having a hard time trying to see his/her worth in the darkness that’s currently enveloping him/her. Just hang in there and hold tight because when the time comes that the storm will pass, the clouds will part and the sky will finally shed its light again. And by then, you will finally see. By then, you will learn to get up and embrace the sunshine once again.