In Real Life: I feel mousy, self-conscious, clumsy and insecure. I will spend high school being awkwardly groped at sporting events by boys for whom I have no particular affinity, and then after I reject traditional standards of beauty for myself I will marry a man who mostly stays out of my way and with whom I struggle to enjoy sexual chemistry.
In Twilight: I feel mousy, self-conscious, clumsy and insecure. I am the perfect partner for a heart-stoppingly gorgeous supernatural super-strong man who will live forever and love me forever until time stops.
In Real Life: Now that I have a boyfriend I don’t really feel like seeing my shitty friends anymore and when I am finally overcome with guilt for completely blowing them off I make a half-hearted attempt to reach out and they can no longer make time for me, resentful that I have been too absorbed with my relationship to feign interest in them.
In Twilight: My gorgeous supernatural partner has invited me into his world and I no longer need anyone or anything else. My family and friends hang around expressing their concern until I feel like acknowledging them again.
In Real Life: My gorgeous, powerful boyfriend enjoyed my company for a while, but when I became needy he started to think about how every other girl in school also is attracted to him and given that he has lived for a couple centuries and will live forever he thought about seeking someone more ‘on his level.’
In Twilight: Despite my lack of discernible ‘special’ traits, my gorgeous, powerful boyfriend maintains his eternal devotion to me and is demonstrably suicidal when separated from me.
In Real Life: My boyfriend leaves me inexplicably, probably to have an affair with someone else or because I was too demanding or otherwise not good enough. I am never able to process or understand the breakup.
In Twilight: My boyfriend leaves me inexplicably, but I later learn he was simply trying to ‘protect’ me and suffered immensely in exactly the same ‘wrenching’ fashion as I. We reunite and he promises never to abandon me again.
In Real Life: The hot guy on whom I relied when I had problems with my boyfriend is pissed at me for leading him on. He decided he had too much self-respect to stand around watching me make out with my boyfriend and that he had better things to do with his life than spend it waiting around on me. We are no longer friends because when he got over the heartbreak he felt used and misled.
In Twilight: The hot guy on whom I relied when I had problems with my other hot guy will always love me, being my friend forever even though I went back to my boyfriend. He loved me for its own sake, not because he was expecting something back. If things do not work out with my boyfriend, he will still be waiting.
In Real Life: My boyfriend disabled my car to prevent me from seeing a male friend. My friends, family and I are creeped out by this controlling behavior that could portend future abuse.
In Twilight: I am a prize at the core of a centuries-old war between two supernatural races. These two men are fighting over me and both have my well-being at heart.
In Real Life: I really enjoy the emotional rapport that my boyfriend and I have and yet I feel he is pressuring me to be more sexual than I would otherwise prefer. I often wonder what portion of our relationship is explained by his physical interest in me, and fear being ‘used for sex.’ As a result, using my sexuality is the only time I feel assured of my power in any interaction with men, but I must be cautious not to push it too far or else I must be responsible for their reactions.
In Twilight: Even when I feel ready for sex and would like to do it with my boyfriend, he resists, telling me it is a sacred thing we should do when we are married and he loves me too much to place my virtue at risk. My boyfriend encourages me to use self-restraint and blames himself for his response to my body.
In Real Life: I have a confusing and painful future full of loneliness, indecision and unwanted responsibility to look forward to when I graduate high school.
In Twilight: I have an eternity of sparkling, great sex, lying in fields and gamboling in the woods with my hot boyfriend who will love me until the end of time to look forward to when I graduate high school.