I used to cling onto people who didn’t want to be clung to. I was the queen of chasing, but also the queen of getting rejection. I used to run after people who wanted nothing to do with me. I swear, they could smell my desperation from miles away. When that didn’t work, I turned into somebody who would settle for just about anyone. As long as they wanted me back, I was stoked.
Of course, that always ended up turning into a storm I should have seen coming. It was a dumb idea. To just take anyone. To just take anyone who was willing to call me his. It was stupid. To think that would make me happy. To think that someone mediocre would make me happy.
Love when you force it, is not love. Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean that it’s love. Maybe it’s lust. Or maybe it’s just plain loneliness.
I haven’t been in a relationship in years to make sure I didn’t make the same mistake. Why bother being in a relationship when you don’t even really like your partner? Why bother getting into a committed partnership, just because you don’t like being alone at night?
It’s selfish and it’s unfair not only to you, but to the other person who is completely in the dark.
I refuse to settle for something that won’t fulfill me just because I feel lonely or sad or empty. I refuse to take all of my loneliness and put it on another person’s back. I refuse to settle for a relationship that I don’t even really want.
I refuse to jump into anything that I’m unsure of. Honestly, I’d rather just stay single. Because at least then, I’m not hurting anyone else. At least then, I can stew in my own hurting heart instead of adding an innocent bystander into the equation.
It’s so much more fulfilling to be alone than to ever be with someone who makes you feel more lonely than before. It’s not worth the time and the effort to lie to yourself about how you are feeling. And it’s not worth breaking someone else’s heart in the aftermath of the relationship.
So choose yourself. Choose to work on yourself instead of jumping into the next best thing. Choose to live with yourself and learn how to be happy, and fulfilled by just being on your own. No relationship is going to fix your heart or your voids. So you might as well start accepting your single status. You might as well start accepting and loving your own lonely heart.
Don’t dive into anything that you feel unsure of. Follow and trust your gut. Don’t just tell someone you love them, just to feel an ounce of affection towards them. It will never be worth it in the end.
The right relationship will come one day. But now? It’s time to focus on the most important relationship. The one with yourself.