Don’t Lose Yourself In Love

girl in christmas lights
Andrew Dong

Don’t lose yourself in love. Don’t lose yourself in another person. In another human being. Don’t ever forget who you are, and what your values are, for somebody else.

Love is a powerful thing. Maybe even too powerful at times. It’s kind of like alcohol. You never know how much it effects you until after it’s over. Until you stop. Until it’s all gone.

Love is beautiful, don’t get me wrong. It’s precious. It’s rare. It’s something many people don’t understand or even get to experience. Which is why you need to be careful.

Be careful not to lose your sense of authenticity when you’re with someone else. Be careful not to lose track of your own personal goals and dreams. Be careful not to lose yourself, in another human being.

It happened to me. I thought it was normal. I thought it was normal and healthy to think of myself as just a half of a person without him. I thought it was what love was all about. I thought that love was giving someone my everything. I thought love was about giving and giving all of me.

But I lost myself in him. I lost myself in love.

It wasn’t healthy. It was fucked up. I was addicted to this person. Like a cocaine addict without their fix. Like my soul was gone when I wasn’t with him. I felt like I wasn’t me without him. And that’s a dangerous situation to be in.

When I lost him, I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know who I was without being called his girlfriend. Without being his other half. And that’s a dreadful feeling to feel. To feel like I was nothing if I didn’t have him. To feel like I wasn’t whole. To feel like I had no purpose in this life if I wasn’t with him.

It was love. But it was the kind of love that was poisonous. Because when we broke up, I had no idea who I was. I had no clue what I wanted or needed. And I had no idea how to love myself, by myself.

Love taught me to be selfless. But I needed to be selfish. Love taught me how to be kind to someone else. But what I really needed was to be kind to myself. And love didn’t teach me how to do that. This love just taught me that I was nothing without someone else.

Don’t lose yourself in love. Don’t lose yourself in another person. In your significant other. Don’t lose what you need. Don’t lose your core values. Don’t lose your happiness and your sense of peace and clarity.

And don’t give your everything to someone else. Because what happens when they are gone? What happens if they leave?

You need to be whole without someone else holding you up. You need to be whole without needing someone else. You need to be whole on your own, and in your relationships. You need to be able to hold onto your own heart, and make sure it never ever gets lost in the dust. TC mark

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

“It’s just wondrous how every time I go through some emotional trauma, your posts are so relatable and it gives me so much hope. I love the writing and the photos. It’s all a pleasure to read. I can’t thank you enough for it, really.” — DM from @ThoughtCatalog Instagram follower

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