Thought Catalog

I Hope You Find Someone Who Is Better At Loving You Than I Was

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Twenty20 / @isr4e

Our love was a single ember. We started out on fire, but we burned out way too fast. We were always a tiny flickering flame, always uneasy, unsure, timid. But for the small moments when we glowed, we sure glowed bright, didn’t we?

We were too different. We didn’t have much in common, and didn’t have much to say. I talked and you watched. I kissed and you loved. I drank and you opened up another. We were never in sync, were we?

But I think you loved me. I saw it in the way you looked at me. I saw it in the way you smiled. You said you were happy. I said I was too. What fools we were to believe those words.

My eyes weren’t bright like yours. They didn’t shine off of the rain stained pavement. My heart didn’t flutter like it was supposed to. It didn’t even race. I didn’t feel a single wing flap. And there was nothing we could do about it.

Nothing could change the way I felt.

I couldn’t love you like I wanted to. I couldn’t love you like you wanted me to. And I didn’t know how to handle that, or face the truth. I wanted so desperately to just feel. To just feel something.

But all I felt was our flame burning out. All I felt was the sting of the match when it hit my skin. All I felt was the water turning our fire into broken limbs. All I felt was numb. And that wasn’t love.

I hope you find someone who can ignite that flame again. I hope you find someone who won’t want to water it down or turn the hose up. I hope you find someone who you can look at and be reassured that they love you too. I hope you find someone who is everything I couldn’t be for you.

I hope you find someone who is everything I wasn’t.

You deserve a love that isn’t ‘us’. You deserve a love that doesn’t shout my name. You deserve an entirely different animal. A entirely different flame and fire. You deserve a love that isn’t just an ember. You deserve the whole damn firework show.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted. I’m sorry I couldn’t feel what you felt. I’m sorry for all the questions and confusing sentences I never replied back to you. I’m sorry for never being what you wanted.

Let my leaving turn your flame into something more. Let my leaving inspire you to find real love. Love that isn’t so hard. Love that isn’t so scary. Let my leaving give you permission to love again and again.

I hope the next person who you fall for falls back too. And I hope you catch each other like we never did. I hope you look into each other’s eyes and see magic, like we never could do. And I hope you find someone who gets you, like I never could understand.

You deserve a endless wildfire. And I was never that for you. I was never supposed to be your spark. You’ll find that somewhere else in someone else. I was never meant to take your heart.

We were just two people, made to one day fall apart. Made to one day burn out. TC mark

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