People Always Leave

Twenty20 / @tomkahler

People are always going to leave. It’s just a part of life. And it’s going to happen, whether you like it or not. There’s no stopping it.

I don’t know why everyone is in a rush to turn away. Why everyone is in such a rush to run. I don’t understand why more people leave rather than stay. And why people feel obligated to go, instead of remain.

It’s always the ones you don’t expect. The ones you gave your heart too. The ones you told your everything too. It’s always the ones that you care about most that end up walking out. It’s always the ones you love the most, who end up hurting you the deepest.

I don’t want to say I’ve grown accustomed to it, or that I’ve gotten used to it. But, I’ve stopped being surprised anymore.

I’ve stopped letting those people have so much power in my life.

The first time someone left me, my world turned into a raging storm and I was in the eye of it, in the center of the entire mess. I let that person take me down and destroy parts of me that I will never get back. I let that person tear me to pieces when he left me. I gave him all of that power. I gave him all of that strength to leave me weakened and smaller than ever before.

And that’s when I realized, people are going to leave your life. People who you have loved. People who you have laughed with, who you have shared your world with. People who you never ever expected to betray you.

I’m not a bitter person, but I like to look at situations in a realistic light, rather than sugarcoating it with false hope. And after someone who meant the world to me left me behind,  I think a part of me had to become more wary. I had to become smarter with the people I connected with. I had to make better choices.

Now when I enter new relationships or make a new friend, I don’t give them my all on the first date or first happy hour gathering. I don’t dive deep into my heart, pouring my guts out to them. I guard it. I protect it. I make sure not all of my walls are completely gone, and I make sure to not fall head first down the rabbit hole of forever.

Now, I try to keep my head above the water. To not get swept away by the current, to not get caught up in all the shiny ‘newness’ of it all.

I try not to fall so fast. To fall so hard. To fall so soon.

I’m not sure if this mindset is even healthy. But I’ve had enough people leave, to start to recognize that not everyone will love me. Not everyone will root for me, or cheer me on. Not everyone will have a permanent place beside me, or inside of my heart.

Not everyone I meet is going to want to stay.

So I have to let go of the notion that love conquers all. That love is like glue. That love fixes everything. That love makes people not ever, ever leave.

Because the truth of the matter is, people are always going to run. Some people are always going to want the next best thing, no matter who you are or what you give them.

Some people aren’t ever meant to stay.

And maybe that’s ok.

Because maybe in their leaving, we gain ourselves. TC mark

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

For more poetry and writing follow me on Instagram!

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