The Heartbreaking Truth About Why You Can Never Be ‘Just Friends’ With Your Ex

kris_rouse
kris_rouse

I wish it could happen. That maybe in some alternate universe, being friends with an ex could actually work. I wish relationships could end in friendships instead of in silence. But unfortunately, the real world doesn’t work that way.

No matter how much you want your ex to still be in your life, and no matter how much you think a friendship could come from the breakup, you’re fooling yourself.

You still love him. You still love her. And you can’t possibly be friends with someone who you still wish had your heart.

You can’t be friends with someone who gave you goosebumps when they said they loved you. You can’t be friends with someone who you trusted with your whole being. You just can’t.

I know you convince yourself that you can. You tell yourself you’d rather live in a world where you can at least have a little piece of their heart, even if it’s not what you truly want. You tell yourself that you’d rather be friends, than be nothing at all. That’d you’d rather talk occasionally with them, instead of ending things with silence.

But you can’t have casual chats with someone who you used to want to marry. You can’t have midnight strolls in the park with someone who used to kiss every damn tear away from your face. You can’t have happy hour with someone who used to grab ahold of your hand and promise you forever. 

Forever with him didn’t happen. Forever with her didn’t happen. So stop thinking that friendship is going to bring it back. Stop thinking that forever is ever going to happen again.

Friendship won’t fix your broken heart. It won’t fix your lonely bones that ache in the middle of the night. It won’t fix what you miss. And it’s not going to heal you.

Having a friendship with your ex will do nothing but stunt your growth. It will do nothing but halt your healing time. And it will do nothing but hurt your fragile heart even more.

So please, don’t ask to be friends. And don’t say ‘yes’ when they ask you for a friendship too. It’s not going to get your relationship back. It’s not going to undo the damage that has been done. It’s not going to clean up the wreckage from the pieces of your heart that they stepped on. It’s not going to fix what has already been ruined.

Don’t fool your heart. Don’t give it anymore false hope or faith. It will only make the wounds grow bigger. It will only make the bruises go deeper. And it will only make the pain more powerful.

Move on with your life. Let your heart let this person go, no matter how much it stings. You need to move on with your heart. And you need to continue to grow and heal on your own.

You don’t need them anymore, I swear to you, you don’t. You’re going to be ok. Slowly, but surely, you’re going to be ok and you’re going to heal without this person on your mind.

Be by yourself for a little while. Let yourself form a distance between the two of you. Then when you’re ready, walk towards the exit sign. Close the door. Turn the lock. And don’t look back.  TC mark

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

For more poetry and writing follow me on Instagram!

Bring magic to your Instagram feed ✨

You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

“It’s just wondrous how every time I go through some emotional trauma, your posts are so relatable and it gives me so much hope. I love the writing and the photos. It’s all a pleasure to read. I can’t thank you enough for it, really.” — DM from @ThoughtCatalog Instagram follower

Bring beauty to your feed

More From Thought Catalog