The Honest Difference Between Love And Codependency


Love. We all want it. We all crave it. It’s the kind of thing that we don’t know how to define, but all that we know is that it’s one of the most wonderful things that could ever happen to us.

Unfortunately, there is a blurry line where love can develop from something that is beautiful, to something that is incredibly unhealthy.

Love is not meant to be stressful. It is not meant to be a tug ‘o’ war of emotions that sends you flying. It is not meant to be something that sends you crashing down. It is not meant to send stress signals to your brain, and to cause you handfuls of anxiety.

Love is not meant to be all consuming.

It isn’t supposed to be exhausting. It is not supposed to be something that makes you want to sleep day in and day out, instead of face the truth. Love isn’t supposed to take away from other relationships. It is not meant to make you neglect the other important people in your life.

Love is beautiful, not boastful. Love is a wonderful partnership, it is not a metal chain forcefully tying you to another person. 

Love is something that is supposed to make you appreciate the beauty in the world. It’s supposed to make your world brighter, to make you shine more boldly.

Love is not addiction.

You aren’t supposed to be heavily tied down. You aren’t supposed to not be able breathe without that person. You aren’t supposed to have a dark cloud following you around whenever you aren’t with them.

When you need someone to breathe, or to be happy in life, that isn’t love. That’s fear. That’s insecurity. That’s codependency. It’s not love at all.

Sometimes, you may not even realize you’re in a codependent relationship. You may think it’s normal to love someone so much, that you need to be around them 24/7. You may think that it’s normal to love someone so much, that without them you would want to die. You may think that it’s normal to love someone so much, that you don’t remember a life without them.

But you did have a life without them. And you should have a life without them.

Love is supposed to be magic. It’s supposed to be something that lifts you up and makes you grateful for every little thing in your life. It’s supposed to make you a better person, and to make you want to be a better friend, a better daughter or son and a better human being.

Love is not supposed to suck your soul of all things good. It is not supposed to make you sick with fear. It is not meant to destroy your heart. That’s not love. It’s not love at all. TC mark

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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