Breakups suck. There is no way around that part. There is no way around the hurt, the longing, and the pain you are feeling. And sadly, there isn’t anything I can say to make the hurt stop hurting.
But I can try to make it hurt a little less.
Understand this – no article or essay you read is going to change what happened. No list or advice column is going to make your heart automatically unbroken. And no matter how many times your friends tell you that he or she isn’t worth your tears, you still won’t feel better. And you won’t for a while.
Stop taking advice from everyone else. And start to truly listen to you.
Forget the people who tell you that you are better off without him. Forget the people who tell you to keep your head up. Forget the people who pat you on the back and tell you it’ll be ok.
Because right now, you’re not ok.
And that’s ok.
Right now, you’re allowed to feel however the hell you want to feel. You’re allowed to lie in your bed and not go out with your friends if you don’t want to. You’re allowed to wallow in self pity and drown in your own tears. You’re allowed to go on Facebook and stalk your ex in the middle of night, nursing a glass of Merlot.
You’re allowed to do whatever the heck is getting you through this. Because guess what, this is your breakup. Not his or hers or theirs. Yours.
You’re allowed to cry until your whole entire body shakes with pain. You’re allowed to call up your mom and tell her your heart is broken and you’re scared it will never get repaired.
You’re allowed to not ever be the same.
Take all the time you need. Your heart is meant to heal slowly, delicately, with no interruptions. Get angry. Get mad. Throw away all the things that remind you of them. Pick those things all back up from the trash and weep with the wreckage.
You’re allowed to yell their name. You’re allowed to wish they never entered your life. You’re allowed to wish karma on their souls. You’re allowed to crumple when you remember how they smiled at you, and you’re allowed to breakdown when you remember how they promised you things you’ll never have.
Don’t try to fake your way out of grief. Don’t try to rush it along, to try to speed up the process. Don’t try to make the pain go away with a flash of a fake smile. Don’t try to heal yourself by getting under someone else.
Just let yourself be. Let yourself feel. Let yourself die and be reborn over and over again. Let yourself change. Let yourself realize that you will never be the same. Let yourself grow. Let yourself adapt to life without this person. Let yourself miss the hell out of them. Hope they miss you too.
And let yourself take all the time that you need to get up again.
It might be months or years from now, but one day, you will wake up and your heart will hurt a little less. And one day, you will wake up and want to live again.