You will know when someone doesn’t love you anymore. It doesn’t have to said out loud, or written about in a letter. It doesn’t have to be whispered or spoken about in a dimly lit room. You will just know.
You’ll feel it in your stomach first. And it will rapidly spread out to every atom in your body, vibrating cold washes of heartbreak all over your bones. And then you’ll feel it in your heart and you’ll crouch down to the earth, wanting to feel close to something, to hold on to anything that you can.
And you’ll just know.
They don’t love you anymore.
You should’ve seen it coming. It started so slowly, with sideways glances and awkward silences. You’ll wonder, at one point did it start? At one point did they look at you and feel a little less love? At one point did they start to doubt you and start to question everything?
The truth about watching someone fall out of love with you, is that you’ll never get an answer to those questions. You will never fully understand it. Because it started with nothing and ended with everything.
Once upon a time, you were in love. Everything was beautiful. When the sun shone, it reminded you of him. When flowers bloomed, you thought of him. And then, out of nowhere, he stopped trying. He stopped smiling at you when you attempting to tell a funny story. He started muttering under his breath, not letting you inside his walls. He stopped showing up. And he gave up on you.
And now only rain reminds you of him.
You will want to sink. You will want to drown in the ocean he created for you. You will want to blame him for not trying hard enough. And you will want to give up on loving anyone else, because you have just now realized how fragile love is. And how love can change, in just a day.
But, please do not let love paralyze you. Don’t let this relationship change your perspective on how powerful love can truly be. Don’t let this one person, make you doubt love.
Because even though they stopped loving you, and even though they gave up on your relationship, don’t you want to find the person who won’t?
The pain of watching someone fall out of love will never be erased from your mind. Your body will hold that grief in your bones and in your cells that like to remind you every once in a while of what you used to have. Your scars will be forever marked on your skin, and you won’t be able to wash them out.
But, those scars will only make you stronger. Those bruises will only make you tougher. And slowly, your pain won’t seem so prominent anymore. And your pain won’t be so present.
And slowly, just like how he fell out of love with you, you will start to believe in love again. You will wake up one day and want to see the sun. You will want to believe again. And you will want to love again, because now you finally understand that he wasn’t the one who was supposed to save you. He wasn’t the hero in your story.
You were the hero all along.