Your Ex Is Your Ex For A Reason (Even When You’re Lonely)

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We all have those nights.

Those nights when we drink too much and lie in our beds with the room spinning around us. Those nights when we suddenly are flooded with the horrible feeling of longing. Longing for the past. Longing for a soft body to be lying next to us, and to curl our bodies up to them. 

And then we start thinking about love. And all that we have had. And all that we have lost. We start thinking about people from the past, about people we have been with. And in a moment of drunk desperation we reach for our phones, wanting to feel appreciated. And wanting to feel loved if even for a second, we message them. We text them. We stalk them.

We want to remember what it was like to be loved. And in our drunken, and sad state, we think it’s the right thing to do.

And then we wake up with our heads that weigh a ton of bricks and we look in horror at what we had just done. We weren’t supposed to dive back into the past. We weren’t supposed to contact them again, remember?

You have got to remember. They are your ex for a reason.

So when you find yourself reaching for a a moment of passion, or a moment of recognition, think again. Don’t let your loneliness make you do things or say things you will regret. Don’t let your drunken state ruin your next morning. Don’t let your ex run your mind.

Your ex is your ex. Nothing more. 

Sure, they are a person you shared moments with. They are a person you cared about. They are a person that at one point in your life, was a big part of it. But now? They aren’t. And you need to let go of that longing.

There is no use dreaming about them anymore. There is no point wishing something will happen when it clearly is never going to. It would be a waste of your time to spend energy on trying to talk to them, when you are fully aware they are a different person now.

So when you are lonely, and you need help, hold onto yourself. Love yourself. Don’t try to run backwards, and run to the thing you know best. Just push forward. Move on. And let go of that person who is not your person anymore. 

Surround yourself with your friends and family. Take baby steps forward instead of always looking over your shoulder. Eventually, you’ll start taking leaps forward, and that ex you swore you would never get over? They will just be a blurry image on your rearview mirror.

They will just be a wonderful memory, that you don’t feel the need to reflect on anymore.

Move on with your life. Be good to yourself. And let your ex fade away into the background of your life. Because you’re the spotlight now. You’re the shining star that should never have to hide. TC mark

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

For more poetry and writing follow me on Instagram!

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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