I am 23 years old and I absolutely hate the hookup culture our generation seems to be obsessed with. And sadly in some ways, I have given in to parts of it. I’m good at going to bars and getting free drinks. I’m good at sitting in a lonely bed swiping right and left on guys I will never meet. I’m good at stealing a kiss every now and then to boys who I will never see again. But I wake up every morning asking myself, “what the fuck is the point?”
I guess the point is immediate gratification. You get to feel high a few seconds when you get a match on your phone. You get to feel high when you catch the eye of a guy who will gladly buy you a glass of Pinot. And you get to feel high for a few minutes when you kiss a complete stranger.
But, I don’t want immediate gratification anymore. I don’t want to feel high for just a second. I don’t want to have a lead up to the beginning of something that will never last. I don’t want to have false hope anymore about a potential relationship that crumbles the second he says to me, ‘I just want to have fun. I don’t want anything serious’.
It is absolutely heartbreaking to think that some people believe this is how it should be. Or maybe they think that this is the only way to feel something. I know people are lonely. I know they crave something more than just a kiss from a stranger. I know we all want more than that.
Maybe we have all given in to it. Maybe we all have lost hope that things will ever change. But, I am so tired of trying so hard. I am tired of hooking up with people thinking that it will change their mind. I am tired of thinking that they will see me as something more than a body.
So, I am done. I have deleted my dating apps. I’m done trying to find love in overcrowded bars in the city. I’m done trying so hard. I’m done feeling let down.
I have hope for our generation. I have hope for love. I have hope for me. I know we are all smart enough to know that this is not how it’s supposed to be. I know we are all smart enough to see that this isn’t the end. And maybe it’s ok for some people to keep doing what they are doing. Maybe it’s ok for some people to find some gratification in their hookups.
You are all allowed to do what you want. You are allowed to do what makes you happy. But it doesn’t make me happy. And I think if you look deep inside of yourselves, it probably doesn’t do much for you either.
I’m not giving up on love. I’m just giving up on this culture that we have made to be the ‘norm’. I’m done trying so hard. I’m letting love come to me when I least expect it. I’m letting love do its thing, instead of trying to force something that will never be there.
I’m letting love take in charge. I’m letting life take charge. I’m not looking for anything that is instant. I’m not looking for anything that is temporary. I’m looking for forever.