When I had my first heartbreak, people would tell me to ‘just move on’. They would say, “Lauren, it’s not like he was that amazing, it’s time to build a bridge and get over it.” They would say, “You should go on some dates, so you can move on.”
The truth is, if you truly loved someone, you can’t snap your fingers, click your shoes three times, and fall out of love.
You can’t just change your feelings. You can’t turn them off.
But, I listened to what they said. I went on a date. And you know? It made me miss my ex more. I hooked up with guys. And you know what? It made me miss and love my ex even more. You can’t force your body and your mind to touch another body, and feel the same way. You can’t kiss another boy and expect it to feel like it did with your ex.
So, I stopped trying to find a guy to replace him. I stopped kissing strangers who tasted like bad whiskey. I stopped getting too drunk to remember it all.
I stopped trying so hard to ‘move on’.
It took a really long time. It took months and months to get my confidence back. It took months and months to smile without having it be forced. It took months and months to be able to go out with my friends and not have to get plastered to forget what I was missing. And it took me years to realize that I will never replace him. I could never replace him.
And it took years to realize, that, that was ok.
I have finally learned that there is no getting rid of times when you will miss the people you truly loved. There is no getting rid of that nostalgia. All you can do, is focus on yourself. All you can do is survive.
And in time, moving on won’t even be a problem. You won’t need to fill that void anymore. You won’t need to fill up that hole. Because you will have yourself, your friends, your family, and your passion to fill up your heart.
So, stop trying to ‘move on’ and just start to live.
Start to fill your life up with good food, with new tastes, with sunshine, with friends that make your stomach hurt from bad jokes, with how the moon looks like at midnight, with wintertime cozy nights, and with genuine smiles.
Fill up your life with good thoughts and good intentions. Soon enough, you’ll come to find that you are doing ok on your own. You didn’t need to move on. You just needed to move past the hurt and onto the good parts.