I’ve only lived for 23 years so far, but you truly gave me some of the best days I’ve ever had. We always had the best times with one another, no matter what we were doing. I can’t even pin point one tiny moment. One tiny picture. They all collide together into one big snowball of greatness. Into one big picture of magic that only true love can give to a girl.
Once, you gave me a warm feeling in my stomach even amidst the snowy and icy ground. We drank our beers and took our sleds, and slid down the icy hills. It was new years eve. When fireworks started going off, we decided to go inside. We were each others’ color in the dark sky, after all. You were all I needed to see, and all I needed to hear.
I remember the glow of your face as you gently took my head with your hands and kissed me.
I remember the overwhelming feeling of sadness that suddenly overtook me. The overwhelming kind of sadness that only I had with you. Because this moment wasn’t permanent. None of it was after all. But then, just like that, I looked up at your light and I looked up at your face, and your smile dried the tears right off my cheeks.
Another time, one of the best times, was at the airport. I hadn’t seen you in three months. I remember my stomach turning as the plane took off. The woman next to me asked if I was a first time flyer. I smiled softly, and shook my head no, “I’m just excited”. She looked at me, smiling knowingly at me. As if she could smell the love I had for you in the air.
When the plane landed six hours later, my heart started beating out of my chest, and my palms sweat, anxious to be held by yours. I don’t remember getting off the plane. I don’t remember going through customs. I just remember seeing you race down the airport to pick me up in your arms. Tears slid down your cheeks and you just twirled me around and round. I remember laughing and crying all at the same time. I remember not being embarrassed that everyone was staring. I remember thinking it was good to hear myself laugh again.
And I remember feeling like I was finally ok again.
There’s too many good stories with you in them. Too many memories that I still hold onto. Too many smiles and moments that I’ll always keep close. Too many conversations to count.
Thank you for always making me smile the largest. Thank you for always making me laugh the hardest. And thank you for nights of safety and reassurance. For nights of star gazing, of blanket forts and of the sweetest good night kisses.
Thank you for good morning gifts, handwritten letters and memories I will forever keep in my pocket. So, for that one moment when I play them back, I can feel safe again. And I can feel ok once more.