When you are seventeen and hopelessly in love, you don’t think it’s going to end. When you are seventeen and someone promises you forever, you believe them. When you are seventeen and naive enough to believe that first love means forever love, you never expect it to end.
I never for a second thought we would ever end. We spent years trying to convince other people how serious we were, but never had to convince ourselves. We spent years trying to tell people that we would make it, but never had to tell ourselves that.
We just knew. We were always the couple that could withstand even the worlds’ harshest tsunamis.
We were the kind of couple that could have fun doing nothing. We just wanted to be in each others presence, that’s all we needed. I remember our first kiss like it was yesterday. It was on Philadelphia street, a street I try to avoid now. My lips trembled in anticipation, my heart raced as if I had just run a marathon. But when we kissed, the trembling stopped. The fear ended. And it was just you and me, against the world. It was always just you and me.
I remember the first Halloween we spent together. We carved hearts into pumpkins and kissed on your front steps. Simple. But, perfect. I remember the first time I looked at you and knew that you were the one. I didn’t see fireworks, or stars, I only saw you and that smile I could never forget.
And I knew that you were all I needed to see in this whole world.
A lot can change in three years. A lot can change with distance and time changes. But we never did. I always met you with tears streaming down my aching cheeks. You always met me with a smile that could burn a thousand hearts. We always found our way back to one another. And we always found our way home to each other.
But, sometimes when you are in love, you forget what the real world is. And you forget about how big it is. You forget other people, and your priorities can dwindle down to only one person. When you are so intoxicatingly in love, sometimes you lose track of yourself. You’re so caught up in forever, that you forget to be present. You forget yourself. You forget reality.
Maybe I was always naive. Maybe I was stupid, to think that first love could actually last. Maybe, I was too dumb to see the truth. Because sometimes, no matter how big the love is, and how strong that bond is, the world can break it. And the world isn’t against you, it isn’t out to get you, it just becomes too much.
And everything you thought would last is gone. And everything I thought I knew, wasn’t there anymore.
It’s so easy to become numb from reality. It’s easy to think that it’s going to be forever. And in a way, it’s just innocence. It’s believing in the impossible. It’s wanting the best thing you’ve ever had, to last until the day you die. It’s wanting to believe that the magic will never fade into the dark.
I never thought our magic would end. But at twenty, it did. And at twenty, the thing I loved the most in the whole wide world, was not something I could count on anymore.
That big love I always believed in, was just another statistic.
Being in love is magical. Being in love is the most powerful thing in the world. It’s like being high and drunk on someone without needing a drop of liquor. And even if it ends, I hope you know that no matter what, it was beautiful.
No matter what kind of ending that love has, it doesn’t make it any less important.
Your heart still has the capacity to love again. Your heart still beats in perfect rhythm. You’ll find that big love again. You’ll find forever, soon enough.