Sometimes, life can surprise you in a way you never expected. And sometimes, your first love will come back to you. The one person who broke your heart will come crawling back to you and you’ll stand there shaking with bittersweet tears exploding out of you. You’ll stand there still terribly in love with him, and still infatuated with every part of his being. But, when the one who broke your heart comes crawling back to you, please don’t take him back.
The universe brought him back to me the summer I finally started to begin anew. I had finally shook the ghost that haunted me for so long. I finally had found myself smiling instead of crying, and dreaming of my future instead of dreaming of my past. I remember seeing him for the first time in six months. He stood on stage playing his guitar, and when he looked at me, my heart dropped. I ran out the door, too petrified to look at him again. I used to think I ran because I was over him. But I ran because I wasn’t. I never was.
That night, I remember laying in bed playing that scene over and over in my head. My months of hard work had gone down the drain with a simple glance. And I was angry as hell. Who was he to come here and mess with my heart again?
I couldn’t let him in again, I had to protect myself first. And so, that’s what I did. At least, it’s what I tried to do.
He came to my house a few days later. He cried, saying he was sorry and that he wanted me back. I sat there stone cold, with no tears running down my cheeks. Shaking my head, I said the one word I never thought I could ever say to him, “no.” And for once, I was fucking proud of myself. I had done the unthinkable. I had stood up for myself, instead of always only thinking of him.
Then, something happened that I never should have done. As I hugged him goodbye for the last, final time, we kissed. And it wasn’t a gentle kiss. It was the type of kiss that said “Don’t leave me, I love you. I always will. Please don’t go”. With that kiss, all my love for him flooded forth and I couldn’t stop it. With that kiss, I had let him in again. I had lost the battle.
I remember as he walked away, and as tears streamed down my face, that it took all of the power inside of me to not shout out his name to tell him to come back for me.
So, when the one who broke your heart comes crawling back to you, don’t let him in. Don’t give him the power to break you apart again. Don’t slip up. And don’t kiss him for the last time. He broke your heart once, and he will do it again. Don’t let his presence make you go weak in the knees. Don’t mistake a moment for something that will be permanent, because it never will be.
A lot of people dream that the person they loved will come back to them. But the truth is, that if they do, it won’t end in how you expect. It will just cause you to hurt more and you’ll have to start over once more. And you will feel so powerless because you let the one thing that had power over you, get to you again.