INFJs have a reputation for being “the rare, misunderstood loners who are deeper than everyone else.” However, this makes us seem pretentious and judgmental, and we’re sad when people look at us that way. We also don’t like it when our abilities are overestimated because we’re human just like everyone else and we don’t always know what we’re doing.

Here are the most common misconceptions that I’d like to clear up:

1. We think we’re better than everyone else, especially extroverts.

Just because we’re the rarest personality type in the world, it doesn’t mean we think we’re better than or above anyone else. Rareness just means there’s fewer of us, but we know we have a lot to learn from other people and we are extremely grateful to have extroverted friends (not only do they do the talking for us in awkward situations, they actually make an effort to understand us and make us feel loved).

2. We can’t handle criticism.

We are highly sensitive people and while criticism can make us feel disappointed in ourselves, we know how valuable it is to take feedback and apply it for the sake of personal growth and excellence. So don’t worry about making us drown our sorrows on the bathroom floor, we can handle it.

3. We hate mainstream music and only listen to indie, rock, and classical.

INFJs have some of the most eclectic music tastes because of how deeply we feel and how much we love finding underrated artists who create songs that resonate with us. This, however, doesn’t mean we’re pretentious musical snobs who look down at those who like commercially successful music. Although we’re more inclined to gravitate towards pensive music, we do enjoy mainstream music sometimes, and we believe that everyone has the right to enjoy any music they like, no judgment necessary.

4. We consider ourselves as the deepest thinkers out of all the types.

We don’t think we’re deeper than other people, nor do we think everyone else is shallow for not being like us. We tend to think differently and we’re fascinated by anything we want to learn more about. Even when we’re passionate about learning, we are aware of what we don’t know and we won’t pretend to know obscure pieces of information to make ourselves look deeper or more intelligent than we actually are.

5. We’re psychics.

No, we’re just ordinary humans who happen to be highly sensitive and enjoy thinking more about the future. We also tend to be more accurate whenever we hypothesize what’s most likely to happen and we’re good at sensing how others are feeling. But we aren’t born with the power of reading minds, foretelling the future exactly as it will turn out, fortune-telling, or anything that deals with the supernatural.

6. We’re vain and we hate people.

Although the Internet likes to label us as eccentric, deep, and self-absorbed thinkers who can’t stand being around people, we aren’t as navel-gazing as others portray us to be. Rather, we’re very introspective because we learn best when we analyze ourselves and reflect back on our lives – it’s like therapy for us. Even when we get lost in our own thoughts, we can still empathize with people who are different from us and we do enjoy forming deep friendships.

7. We’re cold and heartless.

We have a tendency to cut people out of our lives without prior notice or explanation. We hurt deeply when we give so much in relationships (both romantic and non-romantic ones) and don’t feel loved the same way, so we feel like we have no choice but to lock ourselves away from the rest of the world to recuperate and find solace in ourselves. It doesn’t mean we don’t care, it means we care so much about how you treat us that it affects us far more deeply than we let on.

8. We’re more mature and serious for our age.

INFJs can have just as much fun as anyone else and we have a good sense of humor (we’re not somber and dead serious all the time). We also have a soft spot for all the things that made us happy and comfortable as children. We’re not as austere or withdrawn as you think we are.

9. We’re emotional wrecks.

We’re careful not to let emotional impulses override our rational decision-making abilities. Although we are highly attuned to our emotions and the ways they can affect us, we can be very pragmatic and logical, especially in our approach to planning for the future and how we take action.

10. It takes too long to get to know us, so we’re not worth the effort.

It may take a lot of patience to get to know us because of how cautious we are about revealing our true selves, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worthwhile to understand us better. If anything, we can be some of the most supportive, trustworthy, and loyal people you’ll ever meet.