9 Signs Your Significant Other Isn’t Going Anywhere

1. The fact that you both once had ‘game’ seems so far away.

Remember the first night you guys hooked up? Remember how you both exhibited some degree of flirtatious competency?

At this point, those two people may as well be from another planet. The fact that you both once had “moves” is simply laughable.

2. Texting is no longer a major stressor.

Once you get to the point where a goodnight text or daylong radio silence isn’t a cause for concern, you’ve reached an elevated, Mt. Kilmanjaro-esque state in your relationship.

Generally, this is also around the same time where you make a profile pic adjustment to include your s/o. If you’ve been together for awhile and aren’t one of those super obnoxious couples who post everything, watch the likes pour in.

3. You feel 10 years older than your friends, because it feels like there’s a new dating app every day.

Nowadays, the longer you’re together means the more Tinders and Hinges you see come and go. If you’re in a committed ‘ship, the more foreign each and every new development seems.

4. Silence is not awkward.

This is nothing new, but necessary on a list like this. You could go hours on a car ride and not say a word, then get to the hotel and stay up the whole night talking. This signifies that your S/O is also your best friend. You need your best friend, because that’s person you text about what type of ridiculous smelling soup your co-worker brought today. Mahattan Clam Chowder is now ruined forever.

5. You’ve double-bolted the basement door, to ensure he can’t escape.

He may pace around the room rather frantically, but chances are he’s not leaving anytime soon.

6. You know when to hang out, when to leave each other alone.

Part of a healthy relationship is making sure everyone has their me-time. Although Ne-Yo says to “let me love you so you can learn to love yourself,” I’m gonna make a bold statement and say Ne-Yo is wrong. You need to love yourself* before you can love another person.

*You could also hate yourself before you can love another person. The point is that you need to have some sense of who you are, and how to exist independently.

7. You’ve gone to a cabinet store together.

In 2014, nothing says love like Crate & Barrel. Best bet is to wake up early on a Saturday (you didn’t go out the night before because #maturity), get all your shopping done in the morning, and celebrate with a lunch at a place like Cosi.

Nothing says successful furniture day quite like a chicken pesto panini.

8. You aren’t weird with your phones.

Like the majority of people nowadays, I get a mild heart attack every time I hand my phone to a friend — it’s not so much that they’ll see anything that they’ll receive a text from someone that’s (a. making fun of the very person who now has my phone, or (b. demonstrates that I am in fact a vulnerable human being.

There could be a whole stable of articles dedicated to significant other phone etiquette, but I think it goes two ways — you leave your phone out on the dresser because you’ve got nothing to hide, but you also know that you’re s/o isn’t gonna go snooping in your phone and read your texts. He/she respects you, and your right privacy with other friends/family.

9. Both of you wanna be there, and that’s very clear.

We tend to read into relationships a ridiculous amount. Part of this an inevitable result of capitalism, as relationship material is just as relevant as it is profitable — from articles to movies to apps, so much of our economic engine revolves around finding a person to make French Toast with in the morning.

But as long as you continue enjoying each other’s company without the presence of some armed bodyguard, you’re probably in pretty good shape.