5 Ways You’ll Drink In Your Mid-20s

Broad City
Broad City

I’ve found that being in your mid-20s is so crazy. One of the reasons being in your mid-20s is so crazy is because we used to drink so much, and now we don’t drink as much. Sometimes we do drink as much, but it’s usually a disaster when that happens.

Anyway, to take you through the finer points of the Mid-20s alcohol consumption process, I’ve written about a bunch of different ways people drink in their mid-20s. I didn’t include brunch and day-drinking because day-drinking is this whole thing, and you’ve probably heard about brunch 4 times since clicking on this article. That said:

1. The “I Have No Tolerance Anymore” Happy Hour

Happy Hours — be them with work, work friends, or non-work friends — are society’s way of saying “I know you’re 27 and not even close to where you…oh look, cheap drinks!

My old job was run by an LA-based contingent, so every time they’d come to NY we’d have these pretty solid happy hours. They encouraged us to run up the company tab, kick back, and talk about how we’re gonna take over the industry. In a way, the whole thing was kind of like a much sadder version of Entourage.

While the happy hours were certainly a great and appreciated perk, I ended up dreading them. Not because I hated my co-workers (they were great, and generally much cooler than I), but because I came to dread drinking on an empty stomach. I’d be drunk after a beer and a half, and end up leaving with a pounding headache. Really, it was rather brutal. Totes brutes. Mario Brutali.

Stay strong, and remember to renew that commitment to mid-afternoon granola bars.

2. The Classy Carafe

A few months ago I was at a party at a wine bar in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, celebrating someone’s 25th birthday. In addition to that being a real sentence, the wine bar offered these items called Carafes.  As an idiot who still wears hooded sweatshirts, I had no idea what these giraffe things were. But after learning all about what they had to offer (substantially smaller than a bottle, significantly bigger than a glass), the carafe seemed like the perfect amount of alcohol for this sort of party — a party where people talked about things like really wanting to go to Europe, and how great carrot cupcakes are.

Since that time, I’ve run into the good old Carafe (wine’s answer to 7.2 ABV espresso infused Craft Beer) quite a few times. It’s a gem of an invention, whose intention appears to have been completely hijacked by people like me in order to symbolize the mild temperance of millennials.

3. The Overambitious Night In

Last weekend, I took a ninety minute train ride to my hometown for a mini-reunion with my high school friends. Many of us hadn’t seen each other for awhile (and there’s probably a few more years to go until we accept the fact that well probably lose touch), so we all made a point of attending. The stage was set for a pretty #classic time — there was even a Facebook event to commemorate the occasion, even though only 8 of us were invited. Everyone brought beer (less cases, more six-packs) as we figured the barbecue portion would cede to a night of fairly heavy drinking.

But instead, we ended up just hanging out and watching the NBA playoffs. No one was really pissed about the outcome; it was just kind of what happened. As per (increasingly) usghe, it was quite nice to wake up hangover-free. It was also quite nice to spend some time revisiting our favorite high school hobby, “bash (or defend) the JJ Redick”

4. The “I’m Too Old To Be Drinking Underage”

A few weeks ago, I found myself in a college dorm room with a younger homie, drinking vodka out of a water bottle and discussing whether or not Aloe Blacc would be cool to hang out with in person. The night out was pretty fun, though mostly because (a. I hadn’t engaged in the ole “routine” for about 2 years, and (b. it seemed like the last time I’d be able to do this sort of thing, and not be creepy; if I was about 2 years older, the whole thing definitely would’ve been kinda creepy.

There comes a substantial turn in every Mid-20s experience; a turn where you realize you’re a little bit too old to be drinking underage. Probably a good thing.

5. The Occasional Exception

I had a college roommate who had a drinking pattern slightly different than the rest of us; while we spent pretty much every weekend playing Drink All The Poison, he usually preferred to lay lower; drinking still, but never enough to get too drunk. It was only on special occasions (usually once or twice a semester) that he’d really let loose. And when he did, he’d outdo all of us in spectacular fashion.

Be it a bachelor/ette party, a homecoming reunion, or a birthday gone will, this is the time in your life where you’ll start to have the “occasional exception” — the bi-annual event that concludes with you throwing up in your friends’ sink, something that hasn’t happened in at least 3 years.

All in all, this is usually a night that’s as embarrassing as it is fun. And perhaps more importantly, it provides a great opportunity to finally hook up with the tease that’s been eluding you for months; I am of course, referring to hungover fried dumplings. TC mark

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