10 Things You Outgrow By The Time You Turn 24

I’m turning 24 this weekend. Back when I was 23 and 10 months, I was so dumb and shortsighted. But now that I am 23 and 11.9 months, I am very smart and feel incredibly obligated to impart some wisdom:

1. Drinking That Horrible Tasting Vodka, Just Because That’s What You Do

A year out of college, you might find yourself spending many a weekend in a cramped apartment kitchen, slamming down the last of a Fireball bottle because you can’t not finish the bottle. That’s just how it works — that’s how its always worked.

Now, a little more distanced, throwing those shots over-the-shoulder is becoming a bit more commonplace. Who cares how it’s always worked? How it’s always worked kinda sucks.

2. Eating Everything And Not Caring

I’m mostly talking about how eating crap all day no longer feels as good as it once did.

Over the past year, I’ve found myself craving healthier sandwiches and salads not because I necessarily wanted them, but because greasy nachos seem less and less like a good idea with each passing day.

At this point, I can’t help but deeply admirable anyone over the age of 35 who dares to eat fried food.

3. The College “Track” Mindset

I’m probably not gonna do a great job explaining this (good thing that’s not the job of a writer), but being just out of college lends itself to a very specific lifestyle; you’re not ready to transition away from how you’ve conducted yourself the past four years, and, although you don’t have more than $7 at a time, you’re beginning to make actual money. Especially if you’re in a city, postgraduate life can easily become nothing more than a unique semester of college — you’ve got slightly more responsibilities, but you’ve also got the means to do all you can drink sushi-sake more than once a semester.

As we progress with our lives — as we move to new cities, make new friends, and begin to embrace the worlds we now live in — this will fade. Some people stick to it longer than others, but they will fall. We will all fall.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-MbgIgPQcY&w=584&h=390]

4. Thinking You’re Not Gonna Have To Work Crazy Hard To Get To Where You Want

The transition from college to the real world is akin to the transition from championship winner to basement laughingstock.

When you’re in college you’re a little bit entitled, but (possibly) only because the institution pretty much forces you to be; so much is provided for, and the whole 4 years is spent other people stroking your ego and telling you how awesome the school is (and how successful everyone’s going to be.) Living in that world, it’s laughably easy to forget that it has pretty much nothing to do with the actual world.

Now, properly removed from that stuff, you fully grasp how little a shit people give that you earned a bachelors degree from Overpriced University #47.

5. Movies That You Liked At 18

I watched Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist at some point during my freshman year. I remember being a pretty big fan.

I briefly watched Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist a few months ago. I definitely wouldn’t’ve liked it as much as I did had I first seen it at age 23. At age 23, I found Michael Cera much more entertaining in This Is The End:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIKPJlKHKxg&w=584&h=390]

6. Your Stance On Bands Like ‘Story Of The Year’

I’m fascinated by the pop-punk movement of the early 2000s. In addition to enjoying the music, I think it’s an artistic movement that’s inherently millennial; although some of the artists are slightly older, pop punk is basically MySpace anxieties translated into music form.

In 8th grade, I thought bands like Story Of The Year spoke to me. They don’t exactly speak to me in that same way now, but they do speak to me in the sense that they played somewhat of a role in shaping the person that I am today.

The point is, you’ve had enough distance to realize that things that aren’t a part of you now (i.e., a high school or college ex) were in fact important — and enough time has passed for you to reflect upon that influence without being clouded by lingering emotion. Dana sucked towards the end, but Dana was mostly pretty cool.

7. Caring About Things Said In Group Texts

Caring takes effort. The last 24 years were spent expending effort. That’s over now.

8. Feeling Like You’re Missing Out On Something When You Stay In

You’re now at the point where you don’t even have to go to Brad and Marci’s drinks thing and know exactly what’s gonna go down.

Going out isn’t so much becoming a chore, but it’s increasingly something you do so that you can meet someone who gives you an excuse not to go out all the time

9. Thinking You Know Everything

I felt 22 and 23 were the ages where “you’re old enough to know pretty much everything, but still too young to know everything.” That sentiment, which has been tricking people into thinking it’s wise for years, mostly refers to the disconnect between maturity and experience. At 22 you’re developed enough to understand the world around you, but you (likely) haven’t experienced enough to really understand the world around you.

Since 24 year olds have experienced things like freaking out about job stuff and dealing with horrible landlords without parental backing, this is the age you slowly begin to be appreciatively humbled; you have so much to learn, and that’s not so much disheartening as it is kinda cool.