1. “Is this emoji ruining my masculinity?”
Bros may not express emotions, but bros certainly express emojis. This is because emojis are a natural, fun way to text, and to hint at the fact that underneath all this dude-talk about the Chicago Blackhawks, there are actually (one or two) feelings.
Anything with a heart is completely out of the question. As is anything with cats, as is the thumbs up and A-OK — we like those two, but they always get interpreted as sarcastic and dickish. Not always the best move.
2. “Do I give a shit that she’s showing this to her friends?”
We may be dumb, but we at least know that everything we send to her will be vetted and dissected by “the group,” all of whom probably have somewhat different agendas.
For a guy, if it’s not yet serious and he doesn’t want her friends to hate him — thus hurting his prospects with anyone in their immediate social circle — he’ll generally be cognizant that this is actually a group text.
3. “Is she gonna get this sweet Justin Long reference?”
I’m a big fan of reference-making. Much better than baby-making, and the well-timed reference will establish an unprecedented level of connection and hookup potential.
Like many things, it’s all about finding the right context to drop the name Seth Cohen.
4. “Did I blow it with that terrible wording?”
Guys second guess just as much as girls do. We’re not really as outward about it, but writing this article is infinity easier than figuring out whether or not to include the word “definitely” in a “you should roll by” text.
5. “Is she one of those girls who overanalyzes what time I’m sending this back at?”
Probably. But what are conventions if they can’t be milked for all their worth? Figure out how long it takes her to respond, and respond at that time exactly. Mind games are fun.
6. “Wow, that was a dumb thing to say.”
Usually occurs under the influence of alcohol, usually after 1am.
7. “Should I keep texting her? She just used the word struggle bus, and I hate the word struggle-bus.”
This is very much an onions in the guacamole situation — texting chemistry and compatibility is (somewhat sadly) a pretty important component of the modern relationship. If she’s saying things like struggle bus right off the bat — a word that you’ve outspokenly crusaded against, and even once wrote a Facebook status to further that agenda — things can’t be looking good.
8. “What am I doing?”
In regards to the text exchange, of course, but more so on a greater scale. Nothing like a text about grabbing casual drinks to make you question to the meaning of existence.