Earlier today, Chelsea
penned (typed? summoned?) an insightful piece titled 13 Subtle Things That Will Ruin Your Relationship. Given that glasses are just as frequently half-full as they are half-empty, we (as in, a significantly more wimpy form of I), thought it’d be nice to approach the idea from the opposite angle.
With that in mind, here are some crafty ways you can save that relationship–even if at this point, it’s only a hypothetical one:
1. Handwritten Notes
When your relationship is in doubt, simply leave your main homie a funny, handwritten note.
A clear no-brainer, particularly given that there are only 3 people in the world registered as haters of the handwritten note. One of them is actor Geoffrey Rush, and the other two are people you aren’t dating.
2. Having The Same Strong Opinion About Something, And Being In the Minority Regarding That Opinion.
Maybe you both just saw movie the rest of the world can’t shut up about. For strictly hypothetical purposes, let’s say this movie stars George Clooney and Sandra Bullock, and rhymes with Cavity.
Maybe you thought this movie was complete and utter bullshit, particularly given the fact that you just spent $21 to see it in super deluxe IMAX 3D. And maybe your significant other feels the same exact way, and has taken to channeling your emotions via a furious rant.
Oh yea. This is why you’re together.
3. Random Compliments
The key here is to execute these at the most unpredictable of moments. I.e., for guys, complimenting her outfit choice upon walking into the room is so easy that it’s almost a bit robotic.
The better, more meaningful move may be to wait until you’re both comfortably seated at your local food haunt, deep into those turkey sandwiches. Getting praise when you least expect it always makes that praise seem a lot more meaningful.
4. Referencing The Memorable Throwbacks
It’s never a bad idea to casually reference some funny experience you guys shared eight months ago. I.e., how terrible that waitress named Amanda was when you went down to the shore over the summer.
The more obscure, the better–it shows that you view all your time spent together as timeless scrapbook material.
5. Extended Time Away
“Sometimes, it’s the time we spend apart that really makes us closer, when we realize how important that missing piece truly is. Without that piece, our lives are nothing more than a game of JENGA.”
— Some brutal romantic comedy, probably.
6. Watching A Show Together
As in one of those things on Netflix. While advancing without one’s permission is amongst one of the most brutal forms of modern-day infidelity, watching a transcendent show together will also transcend your relationship.
Having someone to always discuss Breaking Bad with–someone that’s always at the same spot as you are–is what love is all about.
7. Consistent Cleanliness Respect
Chelsea noted that one of the surefire ways to ruin a relationship is to mooch of your partner’s belongings. A good way to reverse! reverse! that ideal is to go out of your way to ensure that you respect their shit.
For example, if you’re sleeping at your boy or girl person’s place and they leave for work before you, take the time to make their bed. It shows that you give a shit. Giving a shit is important.
8. Maintaining Excellent Posture In Public
When you’re out in public with your main homie that you also have sex with, you should be projecting to the world that you couldn’t be more proud that this is your main homie that you’re also having sex with.
Much like how BuzzFeed enjoys restoring your faith in humanity, good posture in public can restore your significant other’s faith in your relationship.
9. Effectively Executing Date Intangibles/In Game Decisions
Knowing when to ditch an overcrowded restaurant or bar can sometimes make all the difference–it underscores the fact that not only do you truly “know them”, but that you have their best interests at heart. If you’re looking for a sports reference see, Matthew Stafford against the Cowboys.
*Doing this too much, or making the wrong choice, can be lethal. If Stafford didn’t score on that wild play, Detroit probably wouldn’t be confessing their undying love.
10. Responding To A Long-Winded Story With An Actual Question
It shows that you actually listened to his or her story. Even when it comes to someone you love, this can sometimes be a remarkable feat. If you have someone who does this, never let them go a-la vintage Third Eye Blind.
11. Knowing How They Prefer Their Water
Ice or no ice–cubed or crushed–can be the difference between a breakup and years of happiness.
Knowing exactly what the other wants is yet another sign that you’ve been paying attention the whole time. And as we all know, the entire point of being in a relationship is to ensure that someone’s paying attention to you for once.
12. Being Exposed To A Miserable/Arguing Couple
At least we’re not like them. Oh god, if we keep this up, we’re totally gonna end up like them!
13. Surprise Ice Cream
If you think you’re about to get broken up with, just show up with an ice cream sandwich. Ice cream is to breakups as garlic is vampires.