Go ahead, let him stay.
Let him live in your memories. Let yourself press repeat every time it seems your life is forming without any trace of him in it. Remind yourself that at one point he was a huge part of your life. Force yourself to replay the past on a constant loop
Let him live in your eyes. Make sure that every time someone who looks remotely like him walks by that you always do a double take. Make sure you search for him in crowded rooms all of your old favorite places, or even in new places that he never made his own. Allow them to roam around for any sign of him, and feel disappointed when he’s nowhere to be seen.
Let him live in your smile. Every time you find that you’re laughing at something he didn’t say or a story that he’s not part of, stop yourself. Stop yourself from enjoying this new life you’re creating, and only smile when you remember him or someone brings up his name. Allow him to be the only reason you show your teeth or let your laugh be heard.
Let him live in your heart. Allow him to continue to hold all of the love you can muster because you did for so, so long. Allow the idea that he might come back and really love you be enough to let him stay here. Let others visit every now and again but don’t you dare allow them to bring boxes in. Anytime someone else seems to be getting close to wanting to make a home in you, remind yourself that there is only room for one and you’ve made your choice.
Go ahead, let him stay. Allow the one who isn’t even part of your life anymore hold onto all of the best parts of you. Allow your light to be hidden from the entire world because you’re still trying to shine for him. Allow him to stay in places he left behind and allow him to be the most important person in your mind long after he’s walked away.
Or you could let him go.
In fact, ask him to leave. Pack up your memories and your backstories and put them away. Let your eyes look for new faces, or better yet, let them look at you. Let them take you in and the person you are without his ghosts living in you. Let your smile grow so wide that your face begins to ache, but not because he isn’t the source. Take time to let your heart get used to a life without someone living in it, and let it become something beautiful all on its own. Then when the time comes, allow someone else to move in instead. Allow them to come in and make your heart their home; Watch as they take care of it in ways he never did.
Because honestly, darling, the only thing that has been keeping you from being without him and moving on to better things is you. It’s about time you realized he’s not coming back, and honestly, you deserve better. You deserve to build an entire world that he’s no longer involved in, and to make something incredible happen in it.
Please, don’t let him take all the best parts of you. Take them back.
Please, darling, take them back.