Depression feels like the thick seaside fog rolling ashore from the waves, enshrouding you, blocking your field of vision. It feels like the oppressive humidity on a hot, hot summer day; the air so condensed with water that it feels difficult to breathe. Water: you cannot live without it, yet it can also kill you. Great sweeping tidal waves can crash down upon you out of nowhere; you can drown unexpectedly on the most beautiful day. That is what depression feels like.
Depression will tell you you’re not good enough, not attractive enough, not smart enough, not funny enough. Not enough. It will whisper in your ear things you do not want to hear, and you will begin to believe them. It will scream at you, it will laugh in your face.
Depression will come and go as it pleases. It will not discriminate against age or ethnicity, race or religion. It does not care who you are, where you have been or where you are going. It simply wants to be heard.
I was so ashamed of how strange I felt for so long. I thought that if I could be as beautiful as possible on the outside, it would offset how ugly I felt on the inside. If I could be perfect, if I could be exactly who the world told me to be, I would be loved more, I would matter more. I was wrong. To feel deeply sad is not ugly, after all. Depression is not ugly. It is human. And at the end of the day, we are all human.
Depression can snuff out your flames with one breath. But I slowly discovered that if you can find the strength within you to befriend depression, you will begin to take its power away. Look it in the eye and say, I do not know why you are here, but I want to learn what you are trying to teach me. You will begin to draw open the blinds and let daylight enter the darkness and filter its way back into your pores. You will begin to understand that you should not believe everything you think; that every time you told yourself you were unworthy, it was depression speaking to you in lies. You will begin to see how all that is bad has a flipside that is good. That every moment you felt broken down was preparing you to build something better. Shadows grow in the corners we are ignoring, highlighting the spaces that need the most sun.
Please, do not give up hope. Depression will not stay with you forever. The most spectacular dawns are born from the darkest of nights; have faith that you will find your way home again.