When Love Doesn’t Choose You Back

Anyone who doesn’t choose you cannot possibly be meant for you. It seems like an easy concept. But when the heart is involved, logic and reasoning don’t matter. Because in one moment, you’re future with this person is one you thought would become a reality then the next you’re struggling to put together pieces of how you even got there in the first place and was there some detail you missed as you run over the past few weeks to months before everything changed?

The truth is when something ends, and you come across a love that stops being reciprocated, that is someone recognizing within themselves, they aren’t supposed to feel the way they do. It’s that person realizing you deserve someone whose feelings match yours in the same intensity. When love stops choosing you, that isn’t the moment you try and prove you deserve their love; that’s the moment you step away and say, “I deserve someone who will pick me.” And that is what you deserve, someone who chooses you every single day without hesitation or doubt.

The truth is when you come across a love that stops choosing you, that’s not a love that was going to last. As much as love is about timing and being in the right place at the right time, it’s also two people coming to the table and choosing one another and not quitting just because things got complicated and challenging. Your entire life will be complicated and challenging even when you find the right person, but the difference is in those complexities; you’ll have someone there with you to get through it and not a love that leaves so soon or abruptly who wasn’t ready for more challenges to come.

The truth is when a heart stops choosing you, and it isn’t because there is something wrong with you. We have to train ourselves to get out of the habit of something not going according to plan and looking internally like we are wrong or doing something wrong. Because you will do wrong things and mess up, but it won’t shake the right person. And even the wrong people will look past the wrong things you do, but even they can’t deny that sometimes people are wrong for each other. And when that truth comes out, that is when you see endings.

The truth is when someone doesn’t choose you anymore, that’s the very moment you have to pick yourself. Because you’ll come across a few heartbreaks that shake you, but in someone who doesn’t choose you, that shouldn’t dictate you are choosing yourself. You can’t get away from who you are; you can only learn to love yourself. No matter who may go, I hope the love you have for yourself isn’t attached to a person because it’s dangerous to only love yourself when others do.

The truth is when love is met with goodbye; there is someone else ready to say hello, who won’t walk away. You won’t care about anyone new for a long time when you get heartbroken. The thought of loving again may be met with fear. It may take some time. But one day, you’ll realize even if it was a heartbreaking ending that brought you to your knees, it was merely a chapter ending with someone temporary. When you love again with someone who knows how, you’ll be filled with gratitude that that thing you wanted so badly to work out didn’t because it wouldn’t have allowed you to see what was planned to work out this whole time.

If we looked at heartbreak only as someone who is getting us closer to our destination, maybe we’d heal faster. Maybe we’d read faster and turn more pages if we realized the heartbreak we feel in this moment today is the opposite of the joy to come. Maybe heartbreak and love are closer than we realize on some spectrum. Maybe we need one to make us realize the value in another. So the next time someone leaves, remember the love that lasts is made up of goodbyes that didn’t work for a reason.

Writer living in Hoboken, NJ with my 2 dogs.

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