Thought Catalog

You Didn’t Deserve The Abuse You Endured

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Audrey Reid

Whether it was physical, emotional or mental abuse you didn’t deserve any of those things.

I don’t know why that happened to you. And I wish I could take it away. I wish I could go back in time and be there in those moments. Be strong when you couldn’t be. Be the voice when yours was silent. Be the arms that held you when the arms that should have raised a hand to you. Be the one taking each blow because I would never want to see you get hurt.

But I can’t take back what’s happened. I can’t say I understand what it felt like in those moments. I can’t own your experiences or say I get it entirely because I think even when people relate or have sympathy, your experiences are your own. How things impact and affect you isn’t within anyone else’s say or control.

The things that shaped you. The moments that turned you into exactly who you became. The horrible things that shouldn’t have happened but did…

I can tell you, you didn’t deserve what you endured.

But I see the pain behind a smile you mastered.

I still see a child in your eyes who still question all of it.

I see someone who is goal oriented and hard working because you didn’t allow the things that had happened to define you.

I still can’t explain any of it.

But what I do know is you wouldn’t have turned out to be the person you are today had you not gone through some of the things you did. I wish it wasn’t pain that had to shape you into someone so beautiful. But sometimes that’s how it works. Sometimes the most beautiful people are the ones who have seen a lot of ugly things.

Beautiful people are those who know defeat but come back winning.

Beautiful people are those who know pain and suffering and channel it into helping others.

Beautiful people are the ones who know loss but realize with loss comes something to gain.

Beautiful people are those who know darkness so they come with a light.

Beautiful people are those who have a greater appreciation for things.

Beautiful people are those who have a greater understanding of things others can’t make sense of.

They are compassionate and gentle and emotional and deep because of the things they’ve seen and experienced that others haven’t.

I know there are things you can’t speak of and secrets you keep as you lay down at night. Baggage from your past that grows heavy at times.

A judgment of others who don’t understand nor do they deserve to.

You don’t want their sympathy. You don’t want to have to explain. And you shouldn’t have to.

You saw things you shouldn’t have. You experienced things that weren’t fair. You learned at a young age, lessons that adults learn later on.

With tough experiences came wisdom beyond your years.

With abuse came empathy for others.

With silence came understanding.

With those others who judged you harshly came your own lack of judgment to everyone.

Without love that you deserved came an unconditional love for others.

Through pain came a strength of someone who overcame all of it.

There is no way to take back what has happened or help you to suddenly forget it.

But what I can say is I’m proud of you.

I’m proud of the person you’ve become.

And someone else’s lack of love doesn’t mean there aren’t 100 other people who adore you and think you are one of the best things in their life. Because you are. And if no one has said it lately I love everything about you even the bad parts of the things you experienced that you never should have endured in the first place.

And while the love of another could never substitute the love you might have been missing, my only hope is I can run my fingers over the scars of your past and show you there is beauty even in the darkest places of yourself. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

But Before You Leave

“Losing you would be like losing part of me, only it’d be losing the best part of me.”

“Even if your voice is shaking, never stop asking for what you want.”

Kirsten’s writings really touch me. It’s like all the things I have ever thought of or wanted to say are expressed through her writing. I resonate with so much of it. It’s so deeply touching, moving, raw and just plain real. There were times reading I teared up because something said just went straight to my heart. I think I honestly highlighted almost the whole book! —Elizabeth

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Poetry Lovers! 💖

Love a soft person. The ones who are positive, even in the worst of circumstances. Someone whose strength is not in bravado, but in their quiet. Someone who is strong for others because that is what is needed in that moment. Someone who is the moon that soothes instead of the sun that burns. Someone who sees the very best in people even when you think they aren’t worth it. The kind of person who always wants to do the best for those they love.

“I bought this on a whim to read as I was resting for the night, and I do not regret it one bit! Everything about the poetry in this book is amazing, heart breaking, and soul searching. It will lift your spirits on your darkest days. I want to thank the author so much for writing this, as it’s something I will be rereading a lot! Always remember, everything about you is important. You matter.” —McKayla

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