Why The Girl Who Fixes People Oftentimes Ends Up In Toxic Relationships

God & Man

She sees the good in everyone.

“I can see beauty where others see ugliness. That either makes me an artist or a person with very poor taste.” – Unknown

She’s always going to look for the best in people. She’s always going to swear she sees something under the surface. And sometimes she is true. Sometimes she tries to pull it out of them. But when you have to try that hard it isn’t that the person isn’t worth it but these people end up draining any light and all the good energy from the best parts of her.

She likes the challenge.

She gravitates towards these people because she likes projects. She likes complexity. You give her a guy who is simple and normal with no baggage she’s going to get bored. She likes the people have an edge and chip on their shoulder. She likes people who are guarded. She likes people who push her away. Because when she finally earns their trust, love, and loyalty she knows it wasn’t easy but worth it.

He likes seeing how far he can push her and she pushes him too. This becomes toxic when they fight. They are constantly challenging each other like it’s a deathmatch. Eventually, they realize they just keep hurting each other.

She doesn’t give up easily.

Even when it’s someone who might not deserve her effort she doesn’t give up on him and they run in these toxic circles of him pulling away and coming back and them never really having a functional or stable relationship.

He likes someone who cares that much and she truly believes from the bottom of her heart its love. But sometimes girls who like to fix people give love without demanding it to be reciprocated and that’s when it becomes toxic.

She plays the role she needs to.

The girl who tries to fix someone always tries to be what someone may need even if it means compromising her self-respect to appease him.

And he gets in the habit of using her. Maybe it’s emotionally. Maybe it’s physically. But the girl who tries to fix people let toxic men get away with it. And in return, she might be what he needs but he will never be the rock she can rely on and needs herself.

She’ll try and heal him.

She’ll love him unconditionally thinking that’s enough.

But toxic men have things in their lives and in their past they can’t heal from. They just learn to live with what happened to them. They hide the pain like it didn’t happen.

This becomes toxic because she tries to make him address things in hopes that talking about it will heal him. But even he if trusts her enough to tell her what happened she’ll never truly understand unless she experienced it herself. And that’s where the line will always be with them. She has a heart of gold with the best intentions. And he’s dark and complicated and sometimes heartless when he wants to be.

She thinks she can change him.

You can’t go into a relationship looking to change someone or think you’re the person who has that ability.

While she might have the best intentions. She learns the hard way people have to want to change on their own and the more you try and fix someone the more they might end of resenting you for it.
This becomes toxic when he claims she’s trying to make him someone he’s not. When he says I can’t be what you need and she truly believes he can be. They end up resenting each other a bit.

She’s not afraid of him at his worst.

She’s seen every dark side to who he is. She’s chosen to stay. She loves him regardless of how bad he might be for her.

But it becomes toxic when the worst part of who he is takes it projects his anger and repressed emotions on out on her. When he chooses to hurt her because he thinks she’s best without him, she ends up heartbroken and he ends up losing the only person who truly loved him.

While she might forgive him and never give up on him he believes she deserves better.

These relationships end not because love isn’t there but because the girl who fixes people deserves more and even after putting her through the ringer and challenging her every which way and watching her pass, he realizes he does care about her. He cares about her enough to let her go and be with someone who deserves a heart like her.

She becomes heartbroken by the person she would have given everything too. She walks away a little more guarded not trusting people as easily.

He seems to come out of it with the upper hand. He learns that love really can happen in his life. But he has to change if he wants it to. He takes the lessons she taught him about love and relationships and applies it to his next relationship and it works.

The girl who fixes people is best at relationships. She’s the one that changes him. The one that gives him hope in a life he thought he’d be alone in. And it takes a really strong person to teach a toxic person that and not be one to reap in the benefits of that lesson learned.
Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writer living in Hoboken, NJ with my 2 dogs.

Keep up with Kirsten on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok and kirstencorley.com

More From Thought Catalog