19 Realistic Expectations We Should Have For The Guys We Date, As Well As Ourselves

God & Man

1. Do expect him to pay…but don’t let him do it every time.

It’s okay to have these old-school expectations in the beginning. But understand eventually when you’re in a relationship, it kind of just evens after a while. You pay for something, he does. When you’re a team what’s yours is theirs and you go back and forth.

2. Do expect him to open the door or pull out your chair…but don’t not say anything.

Thank you is the most important word in every relationship.

3. Do expect a text back in a decent amount of time…but don’t lose your shit when he’s busy.

Even if you’re someone who looks at your phone every five seconds and answers immediately, some people aren’t like that.

4. Do have standards…but don’t compare him to people from your past.

Your ex might have treated you like gold and did a lot of things right but he’s your ex for a reason. Don’t make him feel like he’s in a competition with some ghost from your past.

5. Do let him progress naturally…but don’t ask him what are you.

I think a lot of people when it comes to dating is a lot more guarded these days. We want solid answers. We have dating apps that say yes I like you. No I don’t. We want everything very clear and just happen fast but the exciting part of a relationship is watching something progress naturally and building up to that.

We are a generation that feeds off of immediate gratification but good relationships don’t happen that way.

6. Do expect to be courted…but don’t expect it to be so old fashion.

I would love for a guy to walk on the outside of the sidewalk, hold my umbrella, walk me to the door, kiss me and leave. But I know today those expectations are rare.

The equivalent of that is getting a follow-on insta or maybe a like. And I hate that that’s what it’s come to but you can either adapt to things as they change or wish they were different.

7. Do expect him to meet your parent’s…but don’t drop that on him.

I don’t bring a lot of people I’m interested in around my parent’s. To me, that’s a big step even if it’s not to someone else. But I’ll always bring it up in a conversation first before springing that on someone.

8. Do expect him to go out of his way to see you… but don’t have those expectations if you’re not meeting him halfway.

Relationships are all about giving 50% and hoping the other person does too. The second one person does more than that, the scale is off balance and the relationship won’t last.

9. Do expect him to keep plans…don’t let him get away with canceling.

Things come up all the time. But there is a difference between an emergency and an excuse.

10. Do expect him to show up on time…but don’t be late yourself.

Showing up on time is a form of respect.

11. Do expect him to stop talking to other people…but don’t hound him about every girl that blows up his phone.

Asking who every girl is he’s talking to shows a deep-rooted insecurity. If he has to defend girl space friend he’s texting he’s not going to put up with that too long.

12. Do expect him to listen….but don’t be the only one talking.

You were given two ears and one mouth for a reason listen more than you speak.

13. Do communicate…but don’t just text.

Cell phones are a wonderful way to communicate but picking up the phone and having an actual conversation is so important.

14. Do talk about your problems…but don’t make a passive aggressive status airing your dirty laundry for the world to see.

Keep your relationship problems between the two of you.

15. Do make time for him…don’t make him the center of your life though.

It’s great to find someone you enjoy hanging out with but make sure you still put effort into your other relationships or hobbies. Relationships should never be your whole life.

16. Do expect to meet his friends…but don’t put them down.

Even if you hate his best friend don’t make him choose. It won’t work out in your favor.

17. Do expect surprises…but surprise him sometimes too.

Just as you like flowers sent to your office or a surprise romantic date on the weekend, there are things he needs to. A relationship is never just about one person and what they want but fulfilling what each person needs.

18. Do forgive him…but don’t let it become a habit.

No one is perfect. Just like you will mess up he will too. Learn to forgive his shortcomings but be careful with what you let him get away with and let him become too comfortable.

19. Do have high standards…don’t lower them just because he’s interested.

Don’t lose yourself to this person just because it seems like it might be better than other relationships in the past. Hold those same standards you have from the start throughout the whole relationship. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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