18 Little Reminders After A Relationship Ends And You’re Hurting

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1. There’s someone better for you.

I know you don’t want to hear it or believe it. But the person that’s better for you is one who isn’t going to make the mistake of hurting you and leaving.

2. It probably ended before, “it’s over.”

Sometimes breakups blind you. But in my experience most the time we see it coming we just choose to believe something different.

3. You deserve better.

When someone leaves or ends the relationship for some reason our brains are wired to suddenly build them up even more like we were the ones who lost something. But in reality, they broke the heart of someone who would never do the same.

4. Pain means you at least tried something.

I know you hate how much it hurts right now but the risk is always worth it. To say you truly loved someone, a lot of people settle and don’t find that. Value what you did have even if you don’t have it anymore.

5. Don’t let this pain dictate your future relationships.

I know how hard it is to even consider trusting and opening up to someone. But know not everyone is going to hurt you. If you go into relationships expecting the worst that’s when it plays out. As much as you might be hurting don’t allow this heartbreak to expect the worst of people and push good ones away.

6. Change for you. Not them.

After a breakup, we always want to change. We always want to improve. We always want to make that person regret what they’ve done. Get yourself to a point both mentally, emotionally and physically where you are so far past them, even if they came back you wouldn’t want them.

7. Delete them on social media.

I know that’s a big step to take and you’ll tell me, “we ended on good terms,” or “that’s dramatic,” but if you are checking their profile every time you log in. If you are looking at pictures of each other and mourning the past you are prolonging healing and continuing to pour salt on an open wound. And let me tell you what hurts more than anything, isn’t pushing unfriend or unfollow but logging in and seeing they did it first.

8. Rock bottom is an awesome place to build from.

When you’ve fallen to your knees crying and you can’t sleep. When everything seems to be going wrong in your life. When you don’t know where you can even muster the strength to get through another day, that’s when you discover how strong you are and where you want to go from there.

9. You will love again.

You don’t think you will ever love someone again the way you did them. And the truth is you won’t. Every person and every relationship is different. If you love someone the same way then you haven’t learned. But the next person you love, you’ll learn to love even better.

10. Even if you were dumped there’s something you can learn.

Don’t just look at it like that person is the most awful human you know. For a relationship to work it takes both people doing something right and when it ends it’s both people doing something wrong. Recognize the mistakes you might have made and things you could improve on and work to better yourself for the next relationship.

11. Understand the pain is love.

Before you lose your shit and say hurtful things to them out of anger, understand that while you might appear angry all anger is is masked pain disguising itself as something else.

12. Heartbreak teaches you who you don’t want to be.

Everyone has been there. They’ve turned into versions of themselves they are embarrassed of. Whether it’s drinking to get over someone and saying and doing crazy things to desperate acts trying to win them back. You look back and you realize this person made you a version of yourself you don’t like and that’s okay.

13. It teaches you who your friends are.

When you’ve completely fallen apart that’s when your real friends step up to the plate to be what you need. And they see you at your worst. Your most vulnerable. The saddest and worst shape you’ve ever been and they stay. At least you have someone who does.

14. It teaches you what you need and want in your next partner.

You might have loved them through every flaw they had. But when a relationship ends you can look back and only after the fact you can say, I didn’t like when they did this. I need a partner more like this. Every relationship is a learning experience for something better.

15. Don’t look at it like you did something wrong.

It’s never just one person’s fault but rather both people. It takes two people to have a successful relationship. So regardless of who ended it, it’s their fault too.

16. Take the time to learn to fall back in love with yourself.

Sometimes when you are in a relationship you lose yourself to it. Especially when you’re with someone you value a little more than yourself. Someone you love more than yourself. That’s when relationships fail when you look at this person as someone to admire too much not as your equal. Remember what it’s like to love yourself. Take the time to rebuild that relationship. When things end, it’s easy to point out your flaws and say, “they left because of this,(fill in an insecurity)” but don’t pick yourself apart. This is the time to do the opposite.

17. Become their biggest regret.

People come back around when they realize how much happier you are without them. And I’m not saying try and make them jealous by dating someone so fast. I’m saying become a version of yourself they can’t even touch. When you build yourself up and you reestablish the relationship you have with yourself that’s when you attract someone even better. That’s when you heal.

18. Date again when you’re ready, not lonely.

It is no one job to fill the void someone left you with or heal you. It is their job to love you and treat you well. But to get there you can’t just jump right back into dating when you are hurt because when you date someone when you’re still heartbroken, even if they could be your soulmate, you won’t offer them what they deserve because all you have is bits of pieces of your heart that hasn’t healed. Regardless of how great the next person might be that first, one is always the rebound. Give yourself time to heal. You don’t need a relationship what you need to do is establish one with yourself first. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

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