9 Ways You Break Your Own Heart Without Realizing You Are

God & Man

1. You break your own heart clinging to an old love.

The good parts about an old love are supposed to set the standards for future relationships. But it ended for a reason. Stop looking at only the good parts and comparing that to every relationship you have. You aren’t giving people a fair shot doing that. When you cling to the past you remember it better than it actually was.

2. You break your own heart caring about someone who doesn’t care about you.

All we can do is give our best and hope the person on the receiving end cares and can reciprocate it. If you find they can’t, don’t maintain that relationship. Don’t keep trying to win them over. If someone admits they don’t care about you, it isn’t your job to prove to them you are worthy of their love.

3. You break your own heart fearing love.

Love isn’t what hurts. Rejection hurts. Watching someone fall out of love hurts. But love is the only thing that doesn’t hurt. Love heals. But if you allow the pain you feel to dictate your relationships you will push people away who can make you very happy.

4. You break your own heart not loving yourself first.

If you don’t know how to love yourself how do you expect someone else to? As much as you invest in others, that effort you should be putting into yourself. The relationship you have with yourself sets the foundation for every other relationship you have. If you find yourself in relationships where people aren’t treating you well, take a hard look at yourself and see how you treat yourself. When you love yourself you don’t allow someone to treat you badly.

5. You break your own heart choosing the wrong people.

Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Stop choosing the same type of person who hurt you. Stop going after someone who is emotionally unavailable. Stop going after the player or the bad boy. If your relationships end the same way, look at the people you are choosing.

6. You break your own heart being jealous of everyone.

Jealousy will ruin every relationship you have and every relationship you have yet to have. To be jealous means you are insecure. To be insecure means you haven’t built a relationship with yourself yet that is healthy enough to include someone else in your life. Jealousy is normal but if you look at everyone else and ask, “why don’t I have that?” You’ll just attract more of what you already have which isn’t much. Learn to appreciate both yourself and what you do have already.

7. You break your own heart not taking a chance on someone who can make you happy.

We all have that one person we know cares about us. And you’ve flirted with the idea of being with them. You go back and forth thinking maybe? But you don’t actually do anything about. Sometimes the people who care more about us and we care about too but fail to admit it, could be that person we are looking for.

8. You break your own heart not being clear about what you want.

It’s a generation that’s told caring isn’t cool. Leading people on is okay. Games are fun. But when you aren’t clear about what it is you want, not only do you not get anything you end up settling for whatever someone is willing to give you. Have standards and don’t lower them until someone meets them. If it’s a relationship you want don’t be afraid to admit it.

9. You break your own heart not trusting anyone.

It’s okay to be guarded and work to build someone’s trust but when you push everyone away because you think everyone has motives to hurt you, not only do you end up alone but you end up very lonely because of it. Take a chance on people and I promise you you’ll come across someone good with genuine intentions. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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