The hardest thing you’ll ever learn to do is walk away from someone you love with all your heart. Sometimes though you have to when they aren’t being what you need.
It’s every time you try and pull away he’s right there trying to bring you back in.
It’s like every time you’re about to move on he knows it.
It’s the text that came at the most inopportune time as you’re holding someone else’s hand and you wonder how he knows.
It’s this dance you can’t seem to get right because he’s the one picking the music and just when you think you figured it out, he changed everything to throw you off.
It’s the games he makes the rules to and swore you didn’t want to even play. But you are.
It’s everything he knows he’s doing and the control he has over you.
Every time you’ve made progress or think you’re two steps ahead, with one word he makes you fall back five.
Maybe he likes having you there to boost his ego. Maybe he knows you need him more than he needs you. Maybe you’ve built him up in your mind to be someone he isn’t but you can’t even see that this relationship isn’t benefiting you even though you think the world of him.
But your friends see you fall apart with every game he plays. You’re friends see the emotional toll it’s taking on you to maintain this relationship that isn’t one. Your friends get the screenshots and the questions. Your friends are the phone call as you hold back tears in the bathroom trying to keep it together as you wonder why he is doing what he’s doing. You’re friends know every time you say you’ve moved on and you’re over it, you’re lying to both yourself and them.
Because you’re in so deep and so emotionally invested even they don’t know what to say to pull you out of it.
It’s every conversation you have to start off your day that you think isn’t hurting you. But it isn’t helping either.
It’s the notifications that make you smile seeing his name but it also hurts because this “relationship” is one where he’s gaining everything you give without reciprocating it.
It’s social media game where he only looks at your shit and likes what you post when you aren’t looking at his and giving him your time and attention.
It’s every time he lets you down and disappoints you and you just let him slide taking a rain check.
It’s the moves he makes anticipating your reaction.
It’s every time you lose interest he’s the one who suddenly cares.
It’s every time you’re with someone who isn’t him he’s gotta remind you he’s still there.
He haunts you like a catchy tune you refuse to turn off.
And with every circle, you run and every move you each make, you’re the one falling and he’s just watching.
Sometimes the people we want to talk to most are the ones who deserve our silence.
But it’s difficult because you can’t even imagine your life without him. He’s become a habit and part of this routine.
You’ve let him influence you so much, he’s almost embedded painfully within you.
But he isn’t what you need but you can’t seem to let him go either.
You swear you’ll move on one day. You swear you won’t answer his text. But every time their name appears on your phone you jump.
Every time there is even a potential prospect of someone treating you the way you deserve, you fall back into him.
Everyone tells you, you gotta cut him off and let him go but there’s a deep love you have for him that prevents you to.
He might be a good guy. But understanding that sometimes people can be good but not good for you will save you a lot of heartbreak and confusion.
You’re holding onto something that isn’t there and probably never was.
But the truth is you’ll never move on and get what you deserve as long as he’s in your life and you’re talking to him every day.
He’s filling a space in your heart and he doesn’t deserve to be there because he isn’t reciprocating your feelings. And while you let him stay there you’re missing out on someone who can give you what he’s choosing not to.
But every day you talk to him you’re taking steps further away from finding that person.
And I know you want it to be him at the end of all of this but even if you guys did ever get it right, you’d never trust him. Because anyone who has to break your heart or put you through this only then to realize you’re worth is settling.
I promise you the moment you actually really let go and move on and ignore him, he’ll be the one suddenly jumping through hoops and trying as hard as you did. But by then you won’t even flinch when he tells you everything you wanted to hear. Because by then it’ll be too late.