What Being Emotionally Unavailable Feels Like When You’re Single

God & Man

It’s the pain responding with yes you’re single but you know it’s like you don’t want to be. Like regardless of this title, you don’t feel available. Because so much of your heart is already invested in someone else, that even if you did meet the right person you wouldn’t be ready for something like that. At least that’s what you keep telling yourself.

Even if they were perfect you’d still compare them to this other person who consumes so much of your heart and every wondering thought.

Being emotionally unavailable hurts like hell because you aren’t gaining anything from it. You aren’t having these feelings at all reciprocated. They are feelings that are just there overwhelming you. Things you wish weren’t consuming you. But you can’t control how you feel and you it isn’t just something you turn off.

It’s the texts throughout the day that make you smile bigger than anyone else.

It’s the time spent together you wish wouldn’t end.

It’s the secrets that get shared and the things you tell each other.

It’s an emotional relationship without a physical one.

And you know it’s not healthy. You know what you deserve is an actual relationship with someone who feels the same way. You know it’s a waste of time and energy investing so much emotion into someone. But you also can’t help it. You can’t pretend you don’t feel these things.

So you do what someone who is single is supposed to.

You go on dates. You sleep with people. But all of it makes you feel just a little more empty and lonely. You’re trying to numb the pain you feel of unrequited love but that isn’t something you can do in the arms of someone else.

You can’t use someone to fill a void someone else left you with.

But the thing is being emotionally unavailable is a mindset you are getting yourself trapped in.

The phrases on repeat like “you’ll never meet someone as good.” “You’ll never feel as deeply.” “You’ll never care as much.”

If you keep telling yourself these things you’re right you never will. You’ll come across people who deserve a fair chance but you are closing yourself off to giving them such a thing. You are ruining both your shot and someone else’s because you don’t think you aren’t ready.

Being emotionally unavailable sucks but choosing to be emotionally unavailable is completely within your control.

Because I know you know you deserve more than this. You deserve someone who can reciprocate all these things you feel. You deserve someone who meets you halfway not someone who makes you feel like your best isn’t good enough. You deserve certainty and confidence not lying to yourself that this can be something it isn’t.

Because I know you care. But there isn’t enough caring or love or things you can do to convince someone to want to be with you. All we can do in life is give our best and hope the person on the receiving end appreciates it, values us and can reciprocate it.

If you come across someone who can’t do these things don’t waste more time and emotions on them because love and relationships aren’t something you are supposed to convince someone of. It’s something someone just knows immediately.

Choosing to be emotionally unavailable is a prison sentence. And the longer you stay in this mindset, the harder it’s going to be to heal.

It sucks when you care about someone and they don’t feel the same way, but don’t compromise your self-respect investing more into them. Because I promise you the outcome will never be in your favor.

Getting over someone takes time but it takes you being willing to make that choice that you want to get over them and meet someone else. Making that choice is the hardest part. Walking away isn’t easy. Not looking back hurts like hell. But looking, someone, you love in the eyes and saying to yourself, “this isn’t what I want anymore,” will give you a strength you didn’t even know you had.

Being emotionally unavailable is a choice and if you ever want to fully heal, you gotta realize you deserve more than someone who can’t reciprocate what it is you’re feeling. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

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