You want to break down but even that takes effort you don’t know you have. You want to cry even though there isn’t really any justified reason to. It’s just the weight of a lot of heavy feelings overcoming you and you don’t know how much more you can take. You don’t know how much longer you can keep it together. But somehow you find this strength, to get up try again, put on a brave face and smile.
And no one can see that you are falling apart.
You do any and everything to keep your mind busy. You’re helping others even though you don’t know how to help yourself. The truth is, it’s easier to fix other people’s problems, it becomes more challenging when it’s your own.
When it’s your own problems sometimes you just brush it aside put it on the backburner. Like it’ll go away all on its own. But everything we hide has a way of coming out. Everything we repress does eventually leak out and hurts even more.
But for now, you do what you can to face the next 24 hours of your day.
But with every day it almost feels like there are a whole new set of problems you deal with. And you aren’t a negative person. It isn’t like you to let the weight of all these things bury you. But here it is piling on and you don’t know how to ask for help. Because all these things are something you should be able to handle.
You look forward but you’re losing faith. You carry on but you’re losing strength.
Every time you think there’s the potential of something turning out differently similar results weigh on you and you think I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up this time.
I don’t know what you’re going through.
It could be a number of things.
A relationship went wrong.
All of it is just too much to handle right now but you can’t just push freeze. You can’t just stop. You can’t just lay there and bed overcome with feeling sorry for yourself. You have obligations to fulfill. People you can’t let down. Things that need to get done.
So you carry on and just when you think your luck is about to change another thing comes and knocks you again.
I know what it’s like to feel both physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. I know what’s it’s like to just want to quit. But you gotta keep going. You gotta keep trying. You gotta keep push through these heavy things you are feeling and the bad stuff. Because on the other side of all these bad things you feel is something good that’s going to come out of it.
Trust me when I say your luck will change. Things will get better. Things have to improve.
I know what it’s like when people expect a lot of you. And you don’t want to let anyone down. I know what it’s like to just want to bury yourself as you hold back tears and scream but you don’t. I know what’s it’s like to bust your ass for people who don’t even appreciate it or say thank you. And I know what it’s like when you’re working a lot harder than others and not catching your break.
For everyone who hasn’t said thank you. Let me. For everyone who hasn’t shown appreciation, let me. For everyone who just has taken you for granted and taken advantage of you I want you to know I value you and all you are. I value you for your strength that few see. I value you for your beauty that few admire. And I admire you for your persistence because despite so much adversity you haven’t given up yet.
It’s the silent battles no one knows you’re fighting.
It’s the tears no one knows you cry.
It’s laying there at night wondering if there’s more?
Questions are good. Curiosity is good.
That means you are growing. That means you are seeking more. That means maybe you aren’t in the right place right now. And that’s okay too. It’s okay to not have all the answers. But the answers you do have is something needs to change. Feeling these things as heavy as you do means it’s time for a big change. Do not fear that.
Maybe you’ve been in the same place your whole life. You know every road and every corner you drive on. You know every back road and shortcut. Everyone knows your name. But maybe you’re ready to leave the life you knew behind for something greater. Something new and unfamiliar.
You must not fear change but rather fear staying in a place for too long that you’ve outgrown.
Maybe you’ve done all you can with where you are be proud of yourself for that.
But I need you to keep going. Keep trying. Until you get it right and you’re leading a life that doesn’t fill you with emptiness.
There is something on the other side of all these things you feel.
And when it becomes too much to handle and you don’t think you can keep it up. Know you aren’t alone. I’m with you. And everything will figure itself out in due time.