What Love Actually Is Because It Isn’t An Almost Relationship

Twenty20 @micki

I think sometimes we associate love with infatuation. Our judgment becomes clouded based on how we feel not what is real. But when we look at an almost relationship as love what we are really doing is devaluing it. We are accepting less than we deserve. We are loving someone first even when they aren’t reciprocating it. That isn’t love.

Love is black and white and clear as day. It doesn’t come with splashes of gray and confusion. Love isn’t compromising your self-respect because they are making you try too hard. Love doesn’t require you to go more than half way because love meets you in the middle. Love doesn’t mess with your head. Love doesn’t play games. Love doesn’t tell you I’m not ready. Love doesn’t pretend to be a relationship then fail to put a label on it. Love doesn’t pull you close just to push you away. Love doesn’t use you. Love doesn’t ignore you. Love doesn’t treat you well one day then bad the next. Love isn’t something that’s difficult but rather it adds simplicity and a level of comfort and reassurance.

Love does not leave you insecure questioning yourself as you look at your reflection. Love does not make you feel like you have to compete for someone’s time of attention. Love does not constantly disappoint you and let you down. Love doesn’t hide you or keep you a secret.

Love builds you up and supports you. Love is there every time you need them to be. Love is teamwork and someone always in your corner. Love are the sacrifices you make because someone else’s happiness is your own. Love is looking at someone and counting your blessings that they are yours. It’s continuing to grow together even in the moments you are a part. Love is someone who makes you a better version of yourself. Love is in that smile when you open your eyes and they are right there next to you. Love is the comfort in the company when you wake up and you aren’t alone and fall back to sleep carelessly because they are right there.

Love are the holidays you look forward to because you know it’ll be with them. Love is the communication without words when you look at them across the room. Loving is missing someone before they leave and not wanting them to.

When we accept an almost relationship as love what we are really doing is allowing someone into our hearts who hasn’t earned a place there.

When we accept an almost relationship as love what we are really doing is saying it’s okay if we aren’t loved back.

Almost relationships make you work for something you shouldn’t have to work for. Almost relationships is that person being selfish and taking your best while giving their worst. Almost relationships justify mistreatment of not answering or canceling because you aren’t dating and they don’t have an obligation to you.

But what happens when you think an almost relationship is love is you ruin love for yourself. You are telling the other person I don’t respect myself enough to demand what I deserve and I’m afraid to ask for it. You are telling the other person it’s okay to keep treating me like this and I won’t change how I treat you. You are telling the other person I don’t actually know the real meaning of love because once you experience love, the real thing, it’s impossible to ever accept something less than that.

Almost relationships make you come across as desperate, desperate for the love you should be giving yourself.

So please stop saying it’s love when feeling that way towards someone hurts you. Love doesn’t hurt. Love heals. And once you let go of this relationship that isn’t real even if you so desperately want it to be what you allow into your life is a chance at the real thing. But that can only happen if you choose to let go.

And I know it hurts to let go. But when holding onto someone hurts also that’s when you know they aren’t meant for you even if you don’t want that to be true. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Kirsten Corley

Writer living in Hoboken, NJ with my 2 dogs.

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