I Don’t Know How To Unlove You

Leo Hidalgo

From the moment I met you it was there. Even if I couldn’t put my finger on what that “it” was. It was something. And in time it only grew more. With every conversation and interaction, I watched myself fall faster.

I knew very well this could be a mistake. I knew very well someone like you would hurt me. I walked into this with this knowledge that it’d be in my best interest to run the other way but I couldn’t seem to. A force I couldn’t explain. A force that drove me closer. It was you.

It had always been you.

Three words slipped out of my mouth and I almost wanted to apologize. Cause I knew there was nothing you would say back. I knew there was nothing you could say. The words hung in the dark night and that was it.

But the truth is I don’t know how to unlove you.

I don’t know how to unfeel all these things.

I don’t know how to unteach a heart like my to not care.

I don’t know how to not smile when I see your name appear on my phone.

Or laugh out loud when you tell a joke even if it’s not funny.

I don’t know how to ignore you when you’re every favorite conversation of my day.

Even though I know it might be for the best.

I don’t know how to calm every nerve as my heart races faster knowing I’ll see you.

I don’t know how to look at you differently.

I don’t know how to pretend like we’re strangers when you know me better than anyone.

I don’t know how to unknow you.

And honestly, I don’t know if I’d want to.

How do I forget every story you’ve told? Or the ones I’ve been a part of?

How do I forget the moment I looked at you and just knew I loved you more than anyone?

How do I listen to any of your favorite songs just pretend I’m not thinking about you?

How do I go to those places and not be brought back to moments when it was you and me there?

I don’t know how to unlove you.

I don’t know how to forget.

I don’t know how to forget someone who has given me so much to remember.

I don’t know how to unmake what turned out to be my favorite mistake.

Because if loving you was a mistake it’s one I’d make a thousand times over again. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Related

More From Thought Catalog