Goodbye Is Going To Break Her

God & Man

When she finally musters the courage to leave she might not even say goodbye.

Because actually saying goodbye will break her heart.

Goodbye will give you a chance to tell her not to go.

Goodbye will give you a chance to apologize.

And it’s not that she’s weak because she’s stayed around this long. She’s strong enough for believing in you.

She’s strong enough to have held on as long as she has.

Goodbye will give you a chance to charm her with words that aren’t followed by actions.

Goodbye will let you know you hurt her.

So she won’t say goodbye.

She’ll go quietly without a word and you might not even notice at first.

But what you will notice is when she doesn’t answer immediately and you’ll wonder what she’s doing.

What you will notice is how long it’s been since you last spoke.

What you will notice is one less like that comes across your newsfeed.

What you will notice is she’s not looking at your latest story on snap chat or Instagram.

What you will notice is how you can’t even remember the last time you saw her but you suddenly miss her.

And it’ll be then you try for her attention but it’s taking everything in her to ignore you because she doesn’t want to.

What you will notice is how you suddenly are blowing up her newsfeed hoping she makes the move reaching out to you.

It’ll be a double text you send. A triple like. Multiple snaps of something that reminds you of her.
And you’ll see that she opened it but still hasn’t answered.

Ironically it’ll be in that moment you realize you don’t have her the way you used to.

And she’s not angry or mad or bitter. Despite how much pain you’ve caused her if anyone asked what she thought of you, she’d still have nothing but good things to say. She’d still say she loves you.

But she’s just trying to do what’s best for her.

Because letting go hurts her like hell but holding on to someone who didn’t care enough to show it only destroyed her.

She loves you. And that’s why this is all so hard for her. She’s loving someone who is incapable of loving her back.

And it isn’t anyone’s fault. Sometimes these feelings just happen.

But what you didn’t see is how those days or weeks you didn’t notice the silence and distance between you two, felt likes months to her.

What you didn’t see is how many times she typed a message wanting to tell you something but deleted it because if you cared you would have started a conversation.

What you didn’t see is the snap she took and she scrolled to your name only to continue walking because the moment she stopped trying, your presence in her life began to fade.

What you didn’t see is her tossing and turning every night missing someone who didn’t even care enough to notice she left.

What you didn’t see is her going on dates comparing you to every person sitting across from her.

What you and a lot of other people might have seen is her smiling in every picture.

What you and a lot of other people might have seen is her throwing back shots and laughing when every night ended her alone in tears.

She won’t say goodbye. She’s just going to leave.

She’s going to leave and pray to God you realize. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

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